White House Whistleblower Claims Strangers Drag Him From Place to Place and Make Him Sign Papers

And read words on monitors and he hardly gets any ice cream

CNN has just released a bombshell interview with an anonymous White House whistleblower, who gave a harrowing account that could spell trouble for the Biden administration.

Speaking with Jake Tapper, the whistleblower—who identifies as a “White House aide who is young, with no hair plugs or dentures and definitely not Joe Biden”—gave an account of brutal working conditions in the White House.

“Listen, folks, here’s the deal,” said the unidentified whistleblower through a distortion filter to protect his identity. “It stinks here, Jack! Strangers drag me from place to place and make me sign papers and read words on monitors and I hardly get any ice cream!”

“With so much to lose, why are you coming forward now?” asked Jake Tapper solemnly.

“Because it’s the right thing to do, you lying dog-faced pony soldier!” said the mystery man whose face was shrouded in darkness. “No ice cream? Are you kidding me? It’s inhumane! And I haven’t sniffed hair in a week!” 

We reached out to President Biden for a response but were unsuccessful.

Source: The Babylon Bee

Text may contain traces of truth.

  1. yuri says

    Psaki only gives ice cream when diapers not stinky

  2. James says

    Forget The Onion! The Babylon Bee has been on fire all year!

  3. guest says

    If it is not some spoof, it is a joke.
    What ?! a little voice alteration prevents the goons from knowing whom they dragged around the house ?

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