US Tells Kurds It’s Just Going out for a Pack of Cigarettes

“The U.S. mentioned something about it not being our fault and that we didn’t do anything wrong. It’s funny though, I’ve never seen it smoke.”

NORTHERN SYRIA — Kurdish fighters of the Syrian Democratic Forces, or SDF, are still waiting anxiously for the U.S. to return after it left on Monday, saying it was “going out for a pack of smokes.”

Sources say the U.S. ruffled the Kurds’ hair, put on its coat, and looked back wistfully before walking out the front door.

“The U.S. mentioned something about it not being our fault and that we didn’t do anything wrong,” said Dozan Aydogan, a Kurdish SDF commander. “Then the U.S. said it was heading to the PX to get some more cigarettes. It’s funny though, I’ve never seen it smoke.”

“It only dips Copenhagen, pounds Rip-its, and masturbates three or four times a day.”

Sources say the young Kurds stared through a window curiously as the U.S. tossed a large rucksack in the passenger seat of the C-17, adjusted the rearview mirror, and took off, ostensibly for the nearest post exchange. It failed to mention that the nearest base was in Incirlik, Turkey, more than 300 miles away.

The U.S. adopted these Kurdish fighters in 2015 when it taught them to ride bicycles, play catch, and lay the scunion on the Islamic State in Syria. Everything seemed to be going well until the U.S. and NATO’s fair-weather side-piece, Turkey, started making trouble.

“Turkey was all, ‘We’re your NATO ally and they’re terrorists,’ and, ‘If you don’t leave them, you’ll never get my basing and overflight agreements for Iran,’” Aydogan told reporters. “But the U.S. will never leave us, right? We’ve been their faithful partners in Iraq and Syria for years.

“At least they’d help us broker a deal … right?”

Source: Duffel Blog


  1. Mary E says

    The United States has lost its head and its heart, if indeed it ever had either one of them.
    The one thing we must keep in mind when we see this happening is that in that one call from Erdogan to Trump in the middle of the night (in Washington, at Erdogan’s convenience and timetable, mind you) is that it wasn’t a long call as some have reported….all Erdogan had to do was remind Trump that he has 19 properties, including two multi story Trump Towers, in Turkey…and that’s all it took for Trump to do the turnaround and foresake the Kurds. I’m just wondering if the Pentagon wasn’t secretly in on this decision…if it wasn’t, why in the hell would they order their troops out…they know better than to just go with this unhinged president…very curious who else was part of this
    horrible move.

  2. Grand Nagus Zek says

    hehehe nice one

  3. John C Carleton says

    The USA, has NEVER, NOT ONCE, kept their word, whether verbal or ratified treaty, nor stood by an indigenous people they got to do their dirty work, once it was more advantageous to throw them to the dogs and under the bus!


    USA minus the land stole from cousin Lee, is the White part, thats the USA.
    Thats it folks!

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