US Officials Can Guard Against Havana Syndrome With This Innovative Home Solution

"Be thorough now; you don’t want to let Russian brain phasers turn you into an idiot"

As the dire threat of Havana Syndrome gains increasingly widespread acknowledgement, the US government employees who’ve been finding themselves targeted by these attacks are desperate for a way to protect themselves from this electromagnetic menace.

Luckily, scientists at the Pentagon’s Defense Advanced Research Agency have devised an innovative new solution to this peril which anyone who feels they may be in danger of Kremlin microwave beams can implement using a common and inexpensive household product.

Here is a step-by-step breakdown of the simple prophylactic measure that experts are recommending for US diplomats, CIA operatives, government officials, wealthy media pundits, and anyone else who fears they may fall victim to GRU ray gun attacks:

First, you will need a roll of standard aluminum foil.

Second, lay out an arm span’s length of the foil. Don’t be stingy; your neurological wellbeing may depend on it.

Next, fold it in half. Doubling the layers adds extra protection from Kremlin radiation blasters.

Gather the foil around your head, careful to leave no vulnerable part of the cranium exposed.

Now pack down the foil over your skull. Be thorough now; you don’t want to let Russian brain phasers turn you into an idiot.

Manually adding two antennae helps your foil helmet deflect pulsed microwaves.

And there you have it. Not today, Ivan! You’ll have to try your dastardly Kremlin mind tricks on somebody less clever.

Experts highly recommend all western government officials make use of a Havana Syndrome deflector helmet for the foreseeable future, as well as all intelligence operatives, all major media figures, and anyone who just generally feels as though Russians pose a major threat to their way of life. It should be worn 24 hours a day, even when sleeping and bathing, because those lapses in cranial security are precisely when they’ll get you.

Scientists are now reportedly seeing promising research which suggests that Havana Syndrome rays can also be deflected by a rainbow-colored wig supplemented by white face makeup and a red ball on the nose.

So it turns out we here in the free world are a step or two ahead of the Kremlin. Nice try, Mister Putin. You’ve got to wake up pretty early in the morning to make fools out of us.

Source: Caitlin Johnstone

  1. TZVI says

    This is NOT funny.

    Metal is the only thing that deflects microwave radiation…

    a Tin foil hat is not sufficient. Make at least one ( bedroom) room a Faraday Cage.

  2. askingforafriend says

    I am skeptical of the sudden backlash from alt-media about the so called Havana syndrome. Maybe it exists, maybe it doesn’t. That being said there are various technologies that are literally used to fuck with people’s brains and nervous systems. Voice to skull technology is one example. To deny that these technologies exist and are used as weapons is like saying the CIA or the Russians never experimented on people. Caitlin Johnstone is easily the most annoying libertarian on the planet.

    1. Tzvi says

      Oh directed microwave energy exists, as does the ultrasonic “Voice of god” ( or ANYTHING else they want you to hear.

      My guess is the US personnel are being targeted in response to US targeting China or Russian Personnel ( maybe both) . Essentially we are in an undeclared war…

      Look up Faraday Cage, as this is the only thing that stops microwaves, it will not stop Ultrasound. Faraday cages do not need to be ground to work for this purpose.

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