US Kills Mid-Level Taliban Commander, Wins War

After an Operation Resolute Support announcement this morning claiming that a drone strike has killed Abu Nacheez, a mid-level Taliban commander active in Helmand Province, all hostilities in Afghanistan ceased immediately, according to CENTCOM sources.

A Taliban spokesperson confirmed the death on Twitter. In a lengthy tweetstorm, he wrote, “We could handle Mullah Omar’s martyrdom. We could handle 18 years of war. But this is too much to bear. There is not a single man in this country or Pakistan willing to replace Abu Nacheez and take up arms against the Invaders. #WeGiveUp.”

In the wake of this unconditional surrender, an estimated 90 percent of Americans have left the country or are waiting at Bagram Air Base to board outbound transport planes.

An anonymous CENTCOM source says most of the planes are bound for Iraq, where the troops are expected to join the ongoing effort to violently repair centuries-old sectarian rifts and provide security for contractors. Those remaining in Afghanistan will conduct mop-up operations against the last terrorist in the world, an austere religious scholar who goes by the nom de guerre “1x adult male w/ICOM.”

Source: Duffel Blog

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[…] Reprinted from Source […]

Nick Rhynes
Nick Rhynes
2 months ago

Hahaha!

Thanks for the laff, good stuff!

Mary E
2 months ago

Obviously, this is just a US lie to give credence to the fact that the US military has finally given up on whatever it was that they were there for.. no one seems to know the real reason, not even the commanders… after not being able to win the ‘war’….
Killing one mid level guy in the Taliban at this point in the game is nonsense, especially if it is given as the reason for the US to declare a win and the Taliban immediately saying they are defeated in such a stark manner….they just would not do that!
The US LOST and the Taliban WON…and more than just the troops lost, the $Trillions of taxpayer dollars that the US spent on this war is totally disgusting…But the CIA did win: they made $Millions on the poppy seeds stolen from the thousands of acres of Afghan fields to support their covert operations throughout the world….just wondering if that was THE REASON for going in there? Important thing is: The US is getting out…what a relief it must be for the poor Afghans who had to deal with those noxious invaders for ovr 17 years.

Garry Compton
Garry Compton
2 months ago

Great humour from the ” Tailiban twitter” – We can’t go on – our leader is dead – lol lol

Melville Pouwels
2 months ago

oooohh…, i dont know about this ‘ol mate
sounds a bit ‘sus !

Rowdy-Yates
Rowdy-Yates
2 months ago

“We could handle Mullah Omar’s martyrdom. We could handle 18 years of war. But this is too much to bear. There is not a single man in this country or Pakistan willing to replace Abu Nacheez and take up arms against the Invaders. #WeGiveUp.”

So who wrote this script? Was it Hollywood or the Pentagon. It is a statement worthy of “Lawrence of Arabia” kind of movie.
or
the Hindu eruption over the annexation of Kashmir and the Muslim banning immigration bill by the BJP is a bigger kettle of fish. If so let the US troops return and reorient the eyes of war upon South Asia.

Padre
Padre
2 months ago
Reply to  Rowdy-Yates

I think, the author is making fun of US declarations like “mission completed”!

Rowdy-Yates
Rowdy-Yates
2 months ago
Reply to  Padre

zzzp! it went right over my head. I could not believe anyone would actually say that.

James Willy
James Willy
2 months ago

After seeing this BS story this news site no longer gets a donation from me. They have been sanctioned now. What a farce. Hope this story gives Talibans an incentive to go hunt down some yankys and wipe them out.

Pablo Rivera
Pablo Rivera
2 months ago
Reply to  James Willy

It’s sarcasm

Mary E
2 months ago
Reply to  James Willy

They won’t have to: the Yanks are hightailing it out of there…leaving all their garbage and non-working vehicles…what a horrid bunch!

Anti-Empire