US and Taliban on Verge of Deal to Extend Afghanistan War Forever
The US envoy outlined the new position: “Our only red line is that the US does not have to withdraw and we can keep fighting"
The United States has agreed to sign a peace deal with the Taliban so long as the Taliban agrees to maintain a permanent state of war with the United States, officials from both sides announced today.
Ambassador Zalmay Khalilzad, the U.S. envoy who has worked on the peace talks, outlined the new position during a press conference.
“Our only red line is that the U.S. does not have to withdraw its force from Afghanistan and we can keep fighting,” he told assembled reporters.
“Women’s rights, detainees, even the support to Al Qaeda, we can sort all of that later. The main thing is that we reach a deal that will enable U.S. forces to continue fighting in Afghanistan forever. If the Taliban can agree to that, we can make a peace deal.”
Salam Rahimi, Afghanistan’s state minister for peace affairs, said that America’s Afghan allies support the new negotiating position.
“We were very worried for a while that America would actually pull out and opportunities for corruption would dry up,” said Rahimi, who lives in a multi-million dollar villa in Kabul on a government salary of $800 a year.
“If America withdraws, there will not even be anything left in Afghanistan worth stealing. So we have decided to support America’s selfless effort to prolong the war.”
Suhail Shaheen, a spokesman for the Taliban, confirmed the group had received the offer to keep what many call Afghanistan’s “forever war.”
“We are seriously considering implementing a permanent state of war with America,” Shaheen said. “As you may know, overall the war has gone very well for the Taliban. It has really been a story of success since 2004, and today we control most of the country. Most importantly, war on the infidel is the only path to martyrdom.”
U.S. military forces in Afghanistan, meanwhile, continued to strike Taliban targets throughout the country.
“We are applying judicious military pressure to enable the Taliban’s eventual reconciliation, reintegration, and realignment,” said Army Col. Sonny Leggett, a spokesman for U.S. forces. “We will continue to bomb the Taliban until they agree to let us bomb them forever.”
Source: Duffel Blog
Text may contain traces of satire.
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hooray! uncle samuel will continue to facilitate the production and distribution of quality opium from afghanistan into the entire rest of the world. hooray for uncle samuel!
Well the most important thing for the US is the heroin supply. That stuff is selling $5 a baggy in the the ghettos and keeping the black population drugged up bugged out and shooting each other. The whites prefer the synthetic opiates and are massively addicted. Yes sir, the river of opium must keep flowing and the profits going into CIA coffers. Prior to the invasion of Afghanistan they were responsible for a mere 2% of world heroin production, since the US moved in it has grown to 87%. That’s a lot of smack to carry on a donkey with an aqualung so I’m sure Air America are lending a hand.
LITTLE JOHNNY WANTS TO GROW UP TO BE A WAR HERO LIKE DADDY AND GRANDPA AND GREAT GRANDPA. YOU AND I HAVE TO PAY FOR LITTLE JOHNNY TO KILL ALL THE BAD PEOPLE THAT THE BRITISH EMPIRE NATO U.N.HEROIN MAFIA WANTS TO HAVE KILLED. THE PENTAGON/NATIONAL GUARD PLEDGES PERMANENT SERVICE TO THE BRITISH EMPIRE. THE PENTAGON/NATIONAL GUARD WIPES THEIR ASS WITH OUR DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE.
I guess after they just shot down a plane load of CIA agents yesterday!
Guerrilla wars always end when the guerrillas win.
…it seems that it will be “a bit costly” for them… https://colonelcassad.livejournal.com/5597249.html 😉
Printing dollars is very cheap!
War and opium,two zionist top commodities in Pussy shaped Pentagon!
sadly, that satire is too close to the truth
The US doesn’t really want to win the war in Afghanistan. If they did they would pull out immediately. The only winner is he that chooses not to fight. Of course, that would reduce the amount of funding for the laser guided bomb builders and ammo manufacturers. It would also reduce the exorbitant servings of fruit salad worn by our military officer heros on their dress uniforms. Finally, it would reduce the number of dead and wounded kids who joined the military because they couldn’t find a decent job or afford college. We cannot have any of these things happen. It would be so un-Amerikan!
War in Afghanistan expands on both sides.
On Fox Business News about an hour ago, it was reported the Saudi foreign minister has nixed plans for Israel’s “tourists” to enter or visit Saudi Arabia.
Little do they know. . . .