The United States Became ‘Starship Troopers’ in Less Than a Month

The only good bug is a dead bug! Do your part!

We initially thought that economic suicide brought about by medical martial law (the Bill Gates-approved antidote to COVID-19) would anger many Americans once they realized that they’re still going to die from heart disease, diabetes or opioid binges. Now we are not so sure.

Tens of millions of Americans are rushing to enlist in the War Against the COVID Bug. And why shouldn’t they? They’re bored and are going to die anyway.

What do you have to do to fight in this benevolent war? That’s the best part: Nothing. All you are required to do is sit at home and tweet face mask selfies and call the cops when you see your neighbors taking out the trash. Of course, it is also your duty to trample any dissenting voices. In fact, COVID Gauleiter Anthony Fauci announced on Friday that “the Bug can actually be spread even when people just speak,” so probably all voices are highly discouraged. Keeping silent saves lives.

The unspeakable self-inflicted devastation that we will all have to endure as a result of this unequaled bravery will serve as a testament to the glorious and very necessary nature of the war. After all, many, many people will have to sacrifice their lives in order to defeat the Bug. (The Bug will never be fully defeated, of course, but there will be many forthcoming victories, which will be commemorated by national holidays such as Non-Essential Shopping Day.) We’re all in this together and we must all do our part. 

We did it, you guys. The United States became Starship Troopers – you know, the satire about self-righteous, indignant fascists – in less than a month:

  1. Jozo Magoc says

    I seen nice joke: monkeys and other animals out of zoos,fingerpionting and laughing at humans caged in!

  2. James Willy says

    Looks like yankys laying there on the ground. Now everyone on earth should stomp these yankyscum out just like those insects. yankys are responsible for this virus being set upon humanity. Retaliate TODAY. If you get the chance stamp out a yanky. Or more then one would be nicer. Past time for retaliation. The whole planet knows yankys made this virus and released it.

  3. ke4ram says

    As an ex-Marine this is disgusting telling Americans to hide in their houses like rats. The Corps has been taken over by a bunch of Mary’s.

  4. Rowdy-Yates says

    Americans fight the virus the best way they know. Sitting in front of screens grazing on snacks keeps the blood sugar surging

Leave A Reply

Your email address will not be published.