Ron Paul Disguises Federal Reserve as Nike Store In Hopes Rioters Will Burn It Down

WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to sources, former representative Ron Paul was seen disguising the Federal Reserve building as a Nike store in hopes of getting BLM and Antifa rioters to burn the place down.

Shortly after the new sign was hung up, witnesses say a large crowd gathered outside to loot the building and then torch it.

“Hey kids!” the libertarian leader said to the crowd. “You wanna keep letting the central bankers borrow and print money until it has no value and the dollar collapses and our entire economy destroyed? Er, uh– I mean, look! It’s a Nike store! Let’s loot it!”

Rioters broke in but were disappointed to not find any cool sneakers. Instead, they just found stacks of paper and fancy Goldman Sachs fountain pens.

“Hey, what kind of a Nike store is this?” said one frustrated looter.

“This isn’t Nike, it’s something far worse,” replied Paul. “Have you ever heard of the Federal Reserve?”

The entire crowd then sat down on the floor cross-legged and listened intently to Ron Paul explain the horrors of central banking. Immediately after the speech, they burned down the Federal Reserve.

Source: The Babylon Bee

Text may contain traces of satire.

16 Comments
  1. ken says

    Wow! Loved the ending!

    1. joey_n says

      The euro at the time of introduction had a €2 coin and a €500 note, as the US$500 bill has long been out of production and the US$2 coin does not exist (hell, they haven’t even replaced the $1 bill with a coin!). It’s probably no accident at this point that Saddam Hussein got executed for wanting to sell oil in euros instead of dollars.

      1. Large Nuggets says

        @Joey-N…..There are lots of $1 coins. The Susan B. Anthony coins, and the Sacajawea coin, and the Presidential coins, for starters. All $1 coins.

        1. joey_n says

          Well, yes, but not to the degree that every vending machine nationwide accepts them, let alone dispenses them as change.

    2. eckbach says

      The ending is zero.

  2. Mr Reynard says

    Right behind you Ron ..

  3. Juan says

    I’ll send all my monopoly money to Babylon Bee to help, uh, whatever.

  4. Bubbaorwell says

    Completely phone ending…”the rioters lynched Ron Paul for tricking them.”

    1. Rabbitnexus says

      You never know what these kids could do with a proper education.

  5. John says

    If only this were so.

  6. L Garou says

    Brilliant!

  7. paschn says

    LOL!
    Careful Ron! You might inadvertently anger AIPAC et al,
    They’ll order a “hit” on you in the same vein as McKinley/Kennedy
    Lincoln etc…

  8. July Hunter says

    The rioters aren’t intelligent enough to know who their true enemy is. They should mosey on over to the website of Mr. Dontell Jackson called “WE THOUGHT THEY WERE WHITE”. And listen to Rev. Farrakhan on the subject.

    1. AQUA BUDDA says

      did not know that Ron Paul fluent in speaking EBONICS

    2. AQUA BUDDA says

      ANTI TERMITE ?
      SOS RHIANNA ?
      UNDER MY UMBR EL LA
      WHY DID RIHIANNA PHONE BOOTH OBAMA @WH GATE IN WEARNING CERN PRINT DRESS ?

      WHY IS GOOGLE AND GATES AND OBAMA OBSESSED WITH CERN AND SHIVA ?

  9. Rabbitnexus says

    Waste of time worthless fantasy.

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