Researchers Find That Nicking Ships May Have Consequences

Shocking new discovery

A new study from the University of the Blindingly Obvious has found that if one country nicks another country’s ship, the country whose ship has been nicked may be likely to respond by nicking a ship belonging to the country that nicked theirs. According to the authors of the report, the reason for this may be down to something called “the way the world works,” or what is often known as tit-for-tat.

“We began by giving toy ships to children of nursery school age,” said a spokeswoman for the research team, “but with one child being instructed to take a ship belonging to another child, while leaving their own unguarded. What we then observed was fascinating. The child who had had his or her toy ship stolen would then wait for an opportunity to take one from the child who had taken from them. We were gobsmacked. We really didn’t think the world worked like that. But apparently it does.”

In further experiments, researchers wanted to find out what happened when Child A — the one who took the first ship — protested against Child B taking theirs. Again, the results took the researchers by surprise:

“We fully expected that when Child A raised a hue and cry about having their ship snatched, Child B’s conscience would smite them, and they would return the ship that did not belong to them, but letting Child A keep theirs. Yet to our amazement, no matter how much Child A spoke indignantly about the illegality of Child B’s actions, Child B continued to maintain that they would only return the ship if theirs was returned to them at the same time.”

The researchers think that this could give something of a clue as to the behaviour of Iran in hijacking the British-owned ship, Stena Impero. At first, it was thought to be an example of Iran’s unpredictable and destabilising behaviour, yet the researchers are now beginning to think that it may have something to do with the seizure of the Iranian-owned ship, Grace 1, by the British just a couple of weeks before:

“When we first heard the suggestion that Iran’s actions may have been something to do with actions by Britain,” said the spokeswoman, “we dismissed it because at that time we were not fully aware of the concept that actions have consequences. However, our experiments with the children have, we believe, proven beyond reasonable doubt that actions can have consequences. For instance, nicking someone’s ship could potentially result in your own ship getting nicked.”

We tried to contact the British Government for comment on whether they had understood the possible consequences of hijacking an Iranian vessel, including having British own ships nicked, thereby putting the crews in danger of being captured by the Iranian Revolutionary Guards, or even sparking off another potentially catastrophic conflict in the Middle East.

However, the lights appeared to be off, although a spokesman did reply to our email to say that the British Government not only strongly denied that actions have consequences, but also rejected the implication that their foreign policy can in any way be compared to children in a kindergarten. They did, however, confirm that they were awaiting further instructions from John Bolton as to how to proceed, and would be holding meetings of the COBRA committee throughout the rest of the year to establish how to get our ship back without a) starting a war or b) undergoing international humiliation.

Source: TheBlogMire

  1. Inferior says

    It is an eye opening isn’t it you stupid cunts of Kingdom.

  2. Mary E says

    Hilarious!! This pretend thought process of the UK is actually most likely how they really do think! They take their cues from the US which thinks that what they do should not be retaliated against…really very funny the way they think they can get away with anything
    nefarious done to another country…

    1. Séamus Ó Néill says

      The avarice gained through 1000 years of colonial misrule, where they randomly stole, pillaged and plundered worldwide, has left an indelible mark on their cerebral cortex. They probably still think, like their American protégé, that they own the world, its resources and its people….to be dispensed with, as and when desire !

      1. DarkEyes says

        No, no, Séamus, the British do not think in “owning”.
        The British IMO think in terms of “ruling”.

  3. DarkEyes says

    Too busy with rebuilding empire. No time to think!
    Child A expects return of ship by Child B after stealing from Child B first.
    I should say: no way.

    The British are still dreaming of their ruling over colonized Iran in the 1950s and before.
    I should say: no way.

    The British must grow up faster then Child B might have more tricks up his sleeves.

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