Report: Internet Users Who Call for Attacking Other Countries Will Now Be Enlisted in the Military Automatically

"After all, we want people who are passionate about occupying foreign lands, not grunts who are just there for the paycheck"

A new policy issued by the United States Department of Defense, in conjunction with online platforms like Twitter and Facebook, will automatically enlist you to fight in a foreign war if you post your support for attacking another country.

People who bravely post about how the U.S. needs to invade some country in the Middle East or Asia or outer space will get a pop-up notice indicating they’ve been enlisted in the military. A recruiter will then show up at their house and whisk them away to fight in the foreign war they wanted to happen so badly.

“Frankly, recruitment numbers are down, and we needed some way to find people who are really enthusiastic about fighting wars,” said a DOD official. “Then it hit us like a drone strike: there are plenty of people who argue vehemently for foreign intervention. It doesn’t matter what war we’re trying to create: Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, North Korea, China—these people are always reliable supporters of any invasion abroad. So why not get them there on the frontlines?”

“After all, we want people who are passionate about occupying foreign lands, not grunts who are just there for the paycheck,” he added.

Strangely, as soon as the policy was implemented, 99% of saber-rattling suddenly ceased.

Source: The Babylon Bee

Text may contain traces of satire.

20 Comments
  1. Kell McBanned says

    Lol how good would this be

  2. sabretache says

    Likewise, if you voice your opposition, you will be automatically branded an enemy and treated accordingly

  3. Wotan Mit Uns says

    So disappointed in Americans right now. I can’t believe they are dumb enough to fall for this crap again…….and again…………and again………….and again.

    Thankfully this will be the last war USA starts.

    1. Mary E says

      And just who is it that is falling for the lies for WWIII??? Only trump’s base!
      No one else.
      And, you are right, if this morphs into a war, it will be the US’s last one.

      1. Ilya says

        You do remember that Russiagate, and all that goading was started by the Democrats right? So the whole lot of them share in their bloodlust.

  4. Mikhail Garchenko says

    Idiots. You will get that you deserve. 😛

  5. Trap Is Not Gay says

    I thought that was serious, who knows in the US these days.

  6. Garry Compton says

    And the rest of them , that don’t wish for invading other countries, will be whisked away to the nearest FEMA Camp. No Doubt lol

  7. Jonathan Moreira says

    Where we dropping boys?

    1. Kell McBanned says

      Tehran – bring lots of bullets about 20 years worth, you will need them

  8. Nick Rhynes says

    Not bad.

    But not good.

  9. Rowdy-Yates says

    That would be entrapment. Those who posted support of foreign wars followed the rules of that forum and understood that comments of that nature fell under the first amendment and was not a method to recruit. If so then most Jewish Americans would be in the front lines since they constantly make comments of waging war on Iran and other ME Muslim nations

    1. FlorianGeyer says

      Jews, particularly Zionist Jews are exempt from fighting in their wars of choice against opponents who can strike back. The dumb Western Goyym shmucks have that call of duty.

      Its written in the Talmud somewhere , I think. 🙂

      1. Rowdy-Yates says

        The dumb Western Goyym shmucks have that call of duty.
        LOL that is so true. Actually I feel sorry for them

        1. FlorianGeyer says

          That is why the education of the masses is largely dumbed down.
          Alternative opinions and any questioning of the Government narratives are increasingly being suppressed in schools and universities.

          1. Rowdy-Yates says

            Very true. The only way to control a”Government run by the people” is to dumb down the people and spoon feed them propaganda.

            1. FlorianGeyer says

              As long as the subjects have enough ability to live a reasonably comfortable life the ‘High Priests’ can get away with greed and avarice.

              The tide turns when the subjects become slaves, and debt is the current form of slavery. Even those with no personal debt are forced to pay taxes to fund the National Debt that is increased all to often by fraud and buying weapons of war that invariably are sold for scrap after a life of posturing with NATO.

            2. Rowdy-Yates says

              The tide turns when the subjects become slaves, and debt is the current form of slavery.
              Yet these “slaves” swear that the greatest place on earth is America and America is the greatest place the world has ever seen
              the reason Americans think that way while being debt slaves is because their minds are enslaved.
              There is nothing worse than enslaving the mind.

            3. FlorianGeyer says

              All religions and cults operate in the same way.
              Its all about ‘Living the Dream’.

  10. sabretache says

    Likewise, if you voice your opposition you will automatically be branded an enemy and treated accordingly

Reply To FlorianGeyer
Cancel Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Anti-Empire