Poll: Most People Unimpressed With Their 30-Day Free Trial of Communism

Let's hope so

A poll conducted by the Pew Pew Institute shows that a majority of Americans are unimpressed with their 30-day free trial of Communism.

“It kinda sucks,” 19-year-old San Diegan Britta Fowler said of the trial. “I was expecting all this free stuff, which I guess we’re getting, but I also didn’t expect empty store shelves and house arrest for everyone. It’s really lame!”

The trial was imposed involuntarily by governments across the country in response to the COVID-19 pandemic.

“We thought we’d entice the people everywhere into Communist utopia with a trial run,” USBS Secretary John Lennon said. “We thought, hey, it works with Netflix, so it should work with Communism!”

The federal government worked with the Chinese government and the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to launch the coronavirus for the free trial kick-off.

“Everything went well but only a few Karens across the country are really enjoying it.” Lennon added. “They really revel in telling people to ‘stay the f**k home!’”

“I don’t think I’ll continue with this Communism stuff after the trial. I kinda like being able to do stuff with people,” Fowler said.

Source: Genesius Times

Text may contain traces of satire.

  1. Jozo Magoc says

    I grew up in communism, and I never(!) ever seen an empty shelves as in this filthy capitalism in chaos, and with nice packages and shit(!) products inside!

    1. Jozo Magoc says

      Many substandard product with low quality, and the best capitalist ” meat” is in quality behind the shit I left in communism!

  2. L. Sammondson says

    this news magazine is the stuff of teenage fantasy, mixed with a bit of tabloid nonsense. All science-free, of course. Dumb-ass prolfeed with crude cartoons, no quality interviews, no scientific expertise interviewed, virtually a blog posing as a news magazine.

  3. cechas vodobenikov says

    love the irony…
    Variants of communism improved the lives of ordinary citizens in the USSR, China and Yugoslavia more than any “system” in history—while conditions in former Yugoslavia have worsened since the US engineered destruction and conditions have improved dramatically in Russia and China in the past 20 years, real wages in the US has not increased since 1977…and the USA now enjoys the greatest income/wealth disparities of all nations, excepting a few African nations. 2 US colonies in S amerika–of course I ignore the CIA website wikipedia…I refer to actual studies that employ the gini-coeffecient

    1. Jozo Magoc says

      The heavily judaised Westener is dumb as 100 Watts lightbulb!

  4. ravenise says

    Death to the selfish, the murderers, the eugenicists, the hoarders and the liars;

    Check this if they don’t oye vay shut it the fuck down,

    EDTA reduces cancer incidents by 90%, heart attacks by 50% and death for any known reason by 43%;

    Its $21 for a 41 year supply

    But you gotta put it in your butt! It worked for meeee


  5. Pablo Rivera says

    Well, with this trillions of public debt and another trillion on 2008, now the USA is officially the biggest communist country in the history of the world. It’s a shame that the peasants got the crumbs, but yet public debt for all.

  6. Poorboy SandWitch says

    Last time I checked, Bill Gates, JB Pritzker and other billionaires along with those who run the U.S. government were not advocating for the working class to take over the means of production. The billionaires are still in charge, and they are the ones violating their own constitution by denying the masses their rights.

  7. kpevt12 . says

    Flew “into” Miami Beach last night … I’m back in the USSR , don’t know how lucky you are boy … back in the USA, back in the USAR back in the USSR. A vote for either of those parties ruling in Washington DC is a vote for what we have now. Guess who is not getting my vote this fall … if they even allow elections.

  8. Per says

    i see the humorless have arrived again..

  9. nick1111 says

    More like fascism

  10. mijj says

    i presume the free market response to a pandemic is preferable to the commie response. Let the free market sort out the health winners and losers.

    On a serious note .. the house arrest approach emerged as the instinctive solution in the free west. It wasn’t implemented under orders from the commies.

    1. CHUCKMAN says

      Commie? Sounds like J Edgar in 1947.

    2. cechas vodobenikov says

      free markets? where?

  11. Sharon Marlowe says

    What a stupid headline.

  12. pasha says

    I thought the idea was to destroy the Evil Empire, not make dumbass jokes about topics the writer clearly knows nothing about.

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