‘Pfizer+’ Monthly Booster Subscription Program Announced

Following the popular trend of providing consumers constant access to products or services they think they need, Pfizer has announced a subscription service that will provide monthly COVID-19 vaccines to all members, called Pfizer+.

Pfizer+ offers the following additional benefits:

  • Monthly vaccine booster
  • Access to some of Pfizer’s other popular drugs
  • Gold badge for social media virtue signals
  • Video library of the mainstream media shaming unvaccinated individuals

Pfizer+ will also launch with a Super Premium Plus tier for the consumer who just can’t get enough of giant pharmaceutical companies with shady pasts. Benefits include:

  • An autographed photo of Dr. Fauci
  • A mobile app that alerts you when an unvaccinated person is nearby
  • Monthly shipment of masks

Monthly fees for the service will be $5.99 per month, and Pfizer has partnered with the IRS to extract the monthly fee from all taxpayers for the foreseeable future.

On launch day, the pharmaceutical giant announced Pfizer+ subscriptions had generated enough profits to pay for the billions of dollars in criminal and civil lawsuits stemming from decades of false advertising, data manipulation, bribing foreign government officials, and lying to doctors.

Source: The Babylon Bee

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William White
William White
1 month ago

The story changes every day.

chuxtuff
Member
chuxtuff (@chuxtuff)
1 month ago

See?? It’s all about the Benjamin$!!!

Raptar Driver
Raptar Driver
1 month ago

Perhaps they will become the new amazon?
The difference being amazon won’t give most men boners.

Voz 0db
Voz 0db
1 month ago

Babylon Bee is better than those future telling card readers!

lklmkmk
lklmkmk
1 month ago

most shitters here think this is the real stuff

Joe Green
Joe Green
1 month ago
Reply to  lklmkmk

If Pfizer’s criminal operators see it they’ll think it’s a great idea and implement it for real.

James
James
1 month ago

Dear Babylon Bee: Please don’t give these Big Pharma idiots any ideas!

Stop Bush and Clinton
Stop Bush and Clinton
1 month ago

The sad thing is that, if this were real, I know a load of people who would subscribe instantly.

Ying Jun
Ying Jun
1 month ago

Unvaxxed people should come together, organise and start their own business circle. In Sydney, they are talking about keeping unvaxxed people out of bars and restaurants. Hairdressers/barbers should start to do freelance and home visits for unvaxxed customers. I will not be taken hostaged or forced to get the vaccine. I don’t negotiate with health terrorists.

dr. Jack V. B.
dr. Jack V. B.
1 month ago

Now I konow, dr. “Mengele” is working for pfizer. (legalized zio drug dealer)

Anti-Empire