‘Pfizer+’ Monthly Booster Subscription Program Announced

Following the popular trend of providing consumers constant access to products or services they think they need, Pfizer has announced a subscription service that will provide monthly COVID-19 vaccines to all members, called Pfizer+.

Pfizer+ offers the following additional benefits:

  • Monthly vaccine booster
  • Access to some of Pfizer’s other popular drugs
  • Gold badge for social media virtue signals
  • Video library of the mainstream media shaming unvaccinated individuals

Pfizer+ will also launch with a Super Premium Plus tier for the consumer who just can’t get enough of giant pharmaceutical companies with shady pasts. Benefits include:

  • An autographed photo of Dr. Fauci
  • A mobile app that alerts you when an unvaccinated person is nearby
  • Monthly shipment of masks

Monthly fees for the service will be $5.99 per month, and Pfizer has partnered with the IRS to extract the monthly fee from all taxpayers for the foreseeable future.

On launch day, the pharmaceutical giant announced Pfizer+ subscriptions had generated enough profits to pay for the billions of dollars in criminal and civil lawsuits stemming from decades of false advertising, data manipulation, bribing foreign government officials, and lying to doctors.

Source: The Babylon Bee

  1. William White says

    The story changes every day.

  2. chuxtuff says

    See?? It’s all about the Benjamin$!!!

  3. Raptar Driver says

    Perhaps they will become the new amazon?
    The difference being amazon won’t give most men boners.

  4. Voz 0db says

    Babylon Bee is better than those future telling card readers!

  5. lklmkmk says

    most shitters here think this is the real stuff

    1. Joe Green says

      If Pfizer’s criminal operators see it they’ll think it’s a great idea and implement it for real.

  6. James says

    Dear Babylon Bee: Please don’t give these Big Pharma idiots any ideas!

  7. Stop Bush and Clinton says

    The sad thing is that, if this were real, I know a load of people who would subscribe instantly.

  8. Ying Jun says

    Unvaxxed people should come together, organise and start their own business circle. In Sydney, they are talking about keeping unvaxxed people out of bars and restaurants. Hairdressers/barbers should start to do freelance and home visits for unvaxxed customers. I will not be taken hostaged or forced to get the vaccine. I don’t negotiate with health terrorists.

  9. dr. Jack V. B. says

    Now I konow, dr. “Mengele” is working for pfizer. (legalized zio drug dealer)

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