Pfizer Assures That Vaccine Is Almost as Safe for Kids as COVID

After conducting several trials, Pfizer has announced that their vaccine is now almost as safe for kids as getting COVID is.

“We are very proud of this achievement,” said a Pfizer spokesperson. “We can now confidently say that there is only a very small chance your child will suffer life-altering complications or death from the vaccine. Chances are still a bit higher than the chances of your kid dying from COVID, but hey! Give us some credit here! Not bad, huh?”

Experts confirmed that even though there is a statistically 0% chance of kids dying from COVID, parents should still require kids to get the vaccine immediately, to make up for Pfizer’s financial loss from the FDA not approving booster shots right away.

“Besides,” said one expert, “kids are puny and can’t even fight back with their skinny little arms and legs. Just get them vaccinated—to protect yourself—since your safety is the highest priority here.”

Pfizer is hoping they can get kids fully vaccinated before their Q3 sales numbers come out. 

Source: The Babylon Bee

Text may contain traces of satire.

5 Comments
  1. Malatok says

    Any parent that does this to their children needs to be hauled before Nuremberg 2 along with the vertical pigs, media hos and pedovore politcal garbage that is pushing this global genocide. They will pay the price of genocide.

    Presstitutes and vertical pigs are what stand between us and the globo
    pedovores. All 3 groups will be going to Nuremberg 2. That simple.

    PfiZer macht frei
    Same as it ever waZ

    Reiner Fuellmich…update on “legal” situation

    https://www.brighteon.com/8eb7a0be-2d46-43b2-a5f9-6f39f9bc108c

    Dr Robert Malone inventor of mRNA lays it out and warns
    on
    Jimmy Dore, Youlube

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwPKnOhJRYg&ab_channel=TheJimmyDoreShow
    [show less]

    YOU are the disease, their covaids death squirt the cure.

  2. Cap960 says

    Well if it is as safe as Pfizer’s just recalled popular anti-smoking drug Chantix FDA approved. It took them 15 years to notice it gives cancer. How many years till they recall the C19 vaccine. Do they think we are all idiots…

    1. ken says

      Yes!

  3. ken says

    The Bee is fantastic at translating demon speak to truth. The enigma of our day.

  4. Steve Kastl says

    The mRNA vaccine is a terrorist weapon designed to kill as many as possible. The USA government should be listed as a terrorist organization for forcing citizens to die from a shot from a syringe instead of a shot from a gun.

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