Pete Buttigieg Daydreams About the First LGBTQ-Ordered Drone Strike
"Buttigieg was last seen staring off into space, wearing headphones and making explosion sounds softly to himself"
Democratic presidential hopeful Pete Buttigieg admitted yesterday that, in times of quiet reflection, he often daydreams about ordering the first openly LGBTQ drone strike.
“I’d like to set the record straight — as a veteran, I have seen the horrors of war, but I’ve also seen some of the amazing technology the American military has at its disposal,” said Buttigieg in his stiff, robotic voice. “And I believe change begins with me sitting in the oval office, a starched kerchief in my breast pocket, ordering a series of drone strikes all across the Middle East. I’d be the first openly gay man to do so — and I’d do it proudly.”
“While we’ve got a long way to go, we’ve come pretty far,” Buttigieg added. “And this is one way I can take us further.”
Buttigieg staffer Cole Anderson elaborated.
“This is a reality every president has to deal with: obviously, peace is the goal, but if the Taliban doesn’t want to negotiate, Pete is ready to name American drones after major queer icons who have helped shape America,” said Anderson. “Heterosexual elected officials do this, day in and day out, with little to no regard about the messaging of each deadly strike. Pete’s a maverick, and people need to recognize that.”
While some found Buttigieg’s comments off-putting, his key demographics, as well as gay men who work in finance and mothers of grown, queer children looking for a way to transparently show support, rallied behind him.
“Personally, I think it’s homophobic that people don’t want Mayor Pete to be president, just because he’d be the first openly queer president to launch missiles all willy-nilly,“ explained Buttigieg supporter Sharon Fleming. “I think that makes him progressive. Plus, I like that he’s not shoving his sexuality down our throats: the only things I want to hear about him shoving down throats are tomahawk missiles down the throats of Iranian teenagers who think it’s ‘cool to jihad’ or whatever.”
Buttigieg was last seen staring off into space, wearing headphones and making explosion sounds softly to himself.
Source: The Hard Times
Text may contain traces of satire.
Oh terrific! All the US and the world needs is for the next president of the US to be a
warhawk like the current one! The guy isn’t even close to a nomination by the Democratic party (and I predict he will not be either) and he is already talking about sending drones into countries to bomb the hell out of them….get a grip everyone…the world is quite worn out (literally) by the US and its never ending wars.
what kind of a pervesion this is…..especially from the supporters…..seems quite normal in everydays life of these sickos to bomb (kill) people around the world….with drones…or else….without remorses…..because its the american way of life….having dinner…..or sitting at the mc Donalds……or wherever it might be…..watching news of bombings…kind of a sick entertainment….
imagine this…..one or two other nations would do this daily on american soil…for fun…..without any possibility of protection or defense…..how would these sickos see than that??
Rainbow drones of death
The Onion. I couldn’t resist.
Just when I thought he couldn’t be anymore disgusting. It seems that he has a fixation with long, hard objects that breath fire, and have powerful, thundering orgasms.
YES…INDEED…THE ONLY LGBTQP+ ORDERED STRIKE ZONE THAT HE WILL BE GETTING WILL BE IN HIS BUTT…SCUM!