Newsom Announces Curfew So He Won’t Have to Wait in Long Line at Fancy Restaurants

The "Stay at Home, Stay Safe, Stay Out of the Lines at my Fancy Napa Restaurants" order

Governor Gavin Newsom has announced a curfew, telling Californians not to go out at night, so that he can reduce the wait time at fancy, expensive restaurants when he goes out to dine with his rich friends.

Newsom announced the “Stay at Home, Stay Safe, Stay Out of the Lines at my Fancy Napa Restaurants” order in a press conference Thursday evening. Newsom says the science shows that staying home helps defeat the coronavirus and also ensures that there won’t be any lines at the restaurants he frequents with his buddies. As an added benefit, no one will be out to take pictures of him violating his own restrictions.

“Everyone, we must stay home, so the restaurants will be free for me and my buddies to dine at,” he said. “We don’t want you regular people clogging up the lines.” He then shuddered. “Ugh. Poor people. They give me the willies.”

In addition to ordering people not to go out at night, Newsom has suggested killing the virus with a wooden stake or warding it off with garlic and holy water. “At daybreak, the virus turns to dust. It’s… SCIENCE!”

Source: The Babylon Bee

Text may contain traces of satire.

  1. disqus_3BrONUAJno says

    Somebody needs to follow this jerk around with a streaming camera until he learns to behave.

  2. Raptar Driver says

    These governors like the ones in Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania are not only violating their state constitutions but the Constitution.
    Why are they not being arrested and put on trial?

  3. james richardson says

    Sight the RECALL PETITION TO REMOVE GAVIN NEWSOME ……Then use common sense on dealing with Covid Virus …….then ignore that stupid hypocrite and vow to never vote for this piece of loathsome fecal matter again.

    1. Lois Kahl says

      Get $192 of an hour from Google!… Yes this is Authentic as I just got my first payout and was really awesome because it was the biggest number of $24413 in a week…(c3296)… It seems Appears Unbelievable but you won’t forgive yourself if you do not check it



  4. Mr. Evans says

    Commiefornia Governator Gavin $crewYou$om-More Needs To Go, Being Removed From His Ill-Gotten Orifice In Sacramento By Voting His Richy Rich Arse Out Of His Comfy Fascistic Orifice Immediately . . .

  5. Mr. Evans says

    The NAZIS On Trial At The Nuremberg Trials In 1946 Said That They Were ” Just Following Their Orders ” . . . . We Need A New 2020-2021 Nuremberg Style Trials (German: Nürnberger Prozesse) Or Tribunals For All Of These Evil Soulless Greedy Empathy-Less Psychopathic Non-Human Monsters Like $hill Gates Of Hell And Fascist Doctor Death Anthony Fraudci, And All Of The Evil $hits In Places Of Power And In Governments Around The Realm Who Are Enforcing These Illegal-Criminal COVID-OP$1984 $camdemic Lockdowns, And The Illegal-Criminal Unhealthy Forced Face Diaper Nappy Muzzle Wearing Which Are Making Everyone Sick And Ill Which Is Part Of Their Evil Sick Nefarious Sadistic Plans For Forced Depopulation Using The Evil UN Agenda 21 / 2030 Realm-Wide Depopulation Agendas For Forced Sterilization And Genocide Of Over 95% Of Humanity Across The Realm, And The Upcoming Illegal-Criminal Genocidal Forced Highly Toxic And Deadly Vaccination$ Which Will Have Their Evil Micro Tracking-Control Chips In Suspension In The $eries Of Vaccination$ They Have In $tore For Every Human Being, But Not For The Evil Monsters In Charge Nor The Evil Ones Above Them Pulling Their $trings . . ;-( . . . . .
    This COVID-OP$1984 $camdemic Is Pure F’n Evil Fourth Reich NAZI Fascism Folks . . . . Resist Their $hite And Fight For Your Very Lives, And Your Childrens And Families Lives Because They Are In Imminent & Grave Danger From These Programmed Monsters, And The Real Monsters Behind Them Ordering Them To Do What They Are Doing For The B$ Non Viru$ COVID-OP$1984 . . . ;-0. . . . Do Not Let Anyone Inject You, Or Your Children And Families With Any Vaccine$ Because They Will Have Their Nefarious Tracking Chip$ In Them, Nor Drink Any Kind Of Liquid Drinks Or Medications Because They Could And Most Likely Will Be Deadly To You And Everyone Else Who Take Them, And They Will Have Toxic $hite In Them Which Can And Will $terilize You, And Your Children As Part Of Agenda 21 / 2030 For Their Evil Nefarious And $adistic Realm-Wide UN Population Control Program$ . . . Do You Understand Me ? ;-0

  6. Mr. Evans says

    Here Is What Is Actually Or Really Making People Sick, Ill, And Killing People . . . . If You Own A So Called Smart Phone Or A Larger Screen Tablet Device . . . The High RF Radiation Energy Being Received Into It From Those Tall 3 Thru 5G Towers, And From The Phone In Your Hand Or Into Your Ears Is Then Slowly Cooking You Because ⁣It Is 3 Thru 5G Which Is The Real Culprit Because We Are Being Cooked From Our Insides By Deadly To Us RF Microwave Radiation Which Is Actually Causing The B$ COVID19 Symptoms, And Not A Damned Faux Viru$ Called COVID19 . . . . The Sleeping People & $heeple Must Awaken And Arise And Stand Up And Refuse Any And All Illegal-Criminal Fascistic Orders From The Monsters, And Fight Back And For Your Lives, And Your Children’s And Families Lives . . . . Do Not ⁣Acquiesce To Them And Follow Their Illegal-Criminal Fascistic Orders . . .

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