Newsom Announces Curfew So He Won’t Have to Wait in Long Line at Fancy Restaurants

The "Stay at Home, Stay Safe, Stay Out of the Lines at my Fancy Napa Restaurants" order

Governor Gavin Newsom has announced a curfew, telling Californians not to go out at night, so that he can reduce the wait time at fancy, expensive restaurants when he goes out to dine with his rich friends.

Newsom announced the “Stay at Home, Stay Safe, Stay Out of the Lines at my Fancy Napa Restaurants” order in a press conference Thursday evening. Newsom says the science shows that staying home helps defeat the coronavirus and also ensures that there won’t be any lines at the restaurants he frequents with his buddies. As an added benefit, no one will be out to take pictures of him violating his own restrictions.

“Everyone, we must stay home, so the restaurants will be free for me and my buddies to dine at,” he said. “We don’t want you regular people clogging up the lines.” He then shuddered. “Ugh. Poor people. They give me the willies.”

In addition to ordering people not to go out at night, Newsom has suggested killing the virus with a wooden stake or warding it off with garlic and holy water. “At daybreak, the virus turns to dust. It’s… SCIENCE!”

Source: The Babylon Bee

Text may contain traces of satire.

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disqus_3BrONUAJno
disqus_3BrONUAJno
1 month ago

Somebody needs to follow this jerk around with a streaming camera until he learns to behave.

Saint Jimmy (Russian American)
Saint Jimmy (Russian American)
1 month ago

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MRI of average 21st century US citizen:

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Raptar Driver
Raptar Driver
1 month ago

These governors like the ones in Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania are not only violating their state constitutions but the Constitution.
Why are they not being arrested and put on trial?

james richardson
james richardson
1 month ago

Sight the RECALL PETITION TO REMOVE GAVIN NEWSOME ……Then use common sense on dealing with Covid Virus …….then ignore that stupid hypocrite and vow to never vote for this piece of loathsome fecal matter again.

Lois Kahl
Lois Kahl
1 month ago

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Mr. Evans
Mr. Evans
1 month ago

Commiefornia Governator Gavin $crewYou$om-More Needs To Go, Being Removed From His Ill-Gotten Orifice In Sacramento By Voting His Richy Rich Arse Out Of His Comfy Fascistic Orifice Immediately . . .

Mr. Evans
Mr. Evans
1 month ago

The NAZIS On Trial At The Nuremberg Trials In 1946 Said That They Were ” Just Following Their Orders ” . . . . We Need A New 2020-2021 Nuremberg Style Trials (German: Nürnberger Prozesse) Or Tribunals For All Of These Evil Soulless Greedy Empathy-Less Psychopathic Non-Human Monsters Like $hill Gates Of Hell And Fascist Doctor Death Anthony Fraudci, And All Of The Evil $hits In Places Of Power And In Governments Around The Realm Who Are Enforcing These Illegal-Criminal COVID-OP$1984 $camdemic Lockdowns, And The Illegal-Criminal Unhealthy Forced Face Diaper Nappy Muzzle Wearing Which Are Making Everyone Sick And Ill Which Is Part Of Their Evil Sick Nefarious Sadistic Plans For Forced Depopulation Using The Evil UN Agenda 21 / 2030 Realm-Wide Depopulation Agendas For Forced Sterilization And Genocide Of Over 95% Of Humanity Across The Realm, And The Upcoming Illegal-Criminal Genocidal Forced Highly Toxic And Deadly Vaccination$ Which Will Have Their Evil Micro Tracking-Control Chips In Suspension In The $eries Of Vaccination$ They Have In $tore For Every Human Being, But Not For The Evil Monsters In Charge Nor The Evil Ones Above Them Pulling Their $trings . . ;-( . . . . .
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Mr. Evans
Mr. Evans
1 month ago

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