New Zealand to Sink Entire Country Into the Sea to Stop Single Case of COVID

After discovering a single case of COVID on the island of New Zealand, the country’s Prime Minister and Chief Muppet Jacinda Ardern has decided she will take no chances—electing to just sink the entire island into the sea to stop the spread. 

“Listen, this gives me no pleasure,” she said in an address, “but desperate times call for desperate measures. I am left with no choice but to fully submerge this island underwater until the threat of COVID is passed.” 

“So pack your togs, because you all will have to swim for a few weeks until we figure this out.”

She then drilled a hole into the ground with an auger until water began rushing out, which then enveloped the whole island, leaving all the Kiwis floating out in the wop-wops.

“Crikey!” said all the enraged citizens. “We’ll be floating out here for yonks!”

Authorities assured the rest of the world that Prime Minister Ardern’s move was in no way an overreaction and is completely reasonable in every way. 

Source: The Babylon Bee

  1. Ilya G Poimandres says


    Since the birth of culture, generally, men have left for the hunt/war, women have stayed behind with the bebes.

    The men were the front line, the women the base.

    The front line fights, the base surrenders if the front line is defeated.

    Here is a surrender monkey with all the lapels and ornaments.

    She has likely shirked all fear in her life.. and whilst I shudder at my stupidity with respect to risk as an adolescent, my experience of Russian roulette lets me rationally weight up a 0.1% IFR nothing-burger relative to those experiences that really did give me squeaky bum time in my youth!

    Running through a field of wheat – that’s the broadest practical experience of risk women are willing to offer (on average, the exception approaches a goddess!)

  2. ken says

    She would have been the perfect bride for Hitler.

    Never thought I would see so much ignorance and sheer stupidity as exists in the world today. And all in the name of science!

    Watching the shitshow down under makes me question the intelligence level of the inmates. Australia filled a Colosseum with of their beloved children and gave them the kill shot. 2 is said to have died. The rest will die later.

    When you won’t defend your young,,, its over.

  3. Suresh says

    Hmm, NZ’s reaction is study in consequences. New South Wales is currently struggling with another 681 new cases just today the 20th and 61 deaths. They are now warning the worst is yet to come.

  4. GMC says

    She worked for the British Government before she went to N Z – She isn’t the Boss , just another mouthpiece.
    Don’t forget to cross off the Alpha, Delta and now the Novi – Lambda virus variant.Pay attention now –

  5. yuri says

    the most individualistic societies on earth—USA, NZ, Australia Canada UK, then denmark sweden
    as tocqueville oserved individualism peoduces a self doubting (ontologically insecure per RD Laing) conformist, antagonistic and anxious (fearful neurotic) peoples
    “Amerikans poorly understand that individualism produces uniformity…amerikans love big because they feel so small”. Philip Slater
    “only in amerika do people act like machines are treated like machines and only are machine metaphors used to describe human behavior”. Geoffrey Gorer
    “what unites the slavophiles, Alexander Herzen Peter kropotkin and the Marxists is the belief that western individualism is an enemy of individuality”. Vladimir Golstein
    “individuality has disappeared in USA”. Horkheimer/Adorno…all US conversations described: “shallow bombastic fatuous”
    “amerikans are over-conformist semi-automatons”. David Riesman and Istvan Meszaros
    the same analysis is made by Erich Fromm–“the danger previously in USA was that all would become slaves—the danger now is that everyone will become robots”
    “the amerikan ideal is that everybody should beg the same”. James Baldwin
    the anti-communist A Koestler compared amerikans to 5th century Romans: ” a similarly contactless society populated by automatons….a similarly soulless politically corrupt everybody forvthemselves society”

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