Nation Prepares to Celebrate 2nd Anniversary of Two Weeks to Flatten the Curve

Source: The Babylon Bee

The nation is preparing to celebrate what has become a beloved annual holiday: Two Weeks To Slow The Spread Day, to be held in March every year.

“This time of year we like to come together to remember the historic day two years ago when we put on masks and locked ourselves down, trusting that the lockdown would be over in just two weeks,” said local man Paul Christof as he stared out his window longingly, his three masks securely in place. “This year, I’m going all out with a Zoom party with no more than five of my closest friends—I mean, closest, figuratively speaking, of course. We’ll be literally far apart, because I want to stay home and stay safe, and I don’t want grandma to die.”

Traditional festivities for the newly christened American holiday include remote Amazon gift exchanges, ordering DoorDash feasts for just yourself, and the customary binging of the Netflix. Historians believe the holiday will become a hit, and people will continue to wear masks and stay home throughout the year as the festive day is celebrated for hundreds of years to come.

Text may contain traces of satire.

  1. ken says

    General Fauci recently said “It ain’t over til the skinny woman sings”. He said the restrictions will have to be reinstated due to the variants, devilcron and cronabalona. You will be required to take the 4th and 5th,,, (ad infinitum) shots to save Grandma as the first three hasn’t worked.

    Apparently we are just waiting for the Ukrainians to destroy Russia and it’s Back to the Future”. More lockdowns and job losses to save the planet from becoming a second sun using the excessive carbon as fuel.

    Look how dull this world would be if not for globull Warming,,, Coronabalona and now Hollywood ‘wars’. The hospitals killing off the unvaxxed with CDC protocols just isn’t killing enough. Governor Desantis has just signed a no liability extension for hospitals to ensure the killings continue. We stand back an applaud.

    Gee,,, one wonders what the next depopulation schemes Klaus Schwab and his merry young insane leader graduates will come up with? I’m sure it will be mind boggling and killer fun!

  2. guest says

    Moscow cancels masks and COVID requirements

  3. Emma says

    I make over $30k a month working part-time. iop I kept hearing from other people telling me how much money they could make online, so I decided to find out. Well, it was all true and it completely changed my life. This is where I started….

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