Moscow Surrenders to Coronavirus as Humiliated Russians Ordered to Take Fake 1-Week “Holiday”

A historic humiliation

MOSCOW – We knew it was coming, but we naively believed that it would take longer than one week, and more than three dead grannies, to shut down Russia. Moscow Mayor Sergey Sobyanin – the fink of our timehas ordered all restaurants, shops and non-essential businesses to close their doors starting on Saturday. The city’s cherished parks and museums will also be shuttered. His decree was followed a day later by a fun little update from Prime Minister Mikhail Mishustin, who casually dropped on Friday that the new restrictions being implemented in Moscow would actually be extended to the entire country.

Why didn’t Hitler invade Russia with a ubiquitous virus that kills less people than the common cold? Think of all the chiseled SS death squads that would still be alive and well.

The restrictions introduced today are unprecedented in the modern history of Moscow and will create many inconveniences for the everyday life of every person,” Sobyanin admitted in his official surrender statement.

Vladimir Putin listens to less important bald guy Mikhail Mishustin. To his right, important Moscow guy Sergey Sobyanin.

For his part, Mishustin conceded that murdering the country’s economy was “harsh” but obviously necessary.

“Staying at home is the most important thing that any one of us can do. The restrictions are a small price to pay for life and health,” he said during his oh-by-the-way-this-applies-to-the-entire-country-not-just-Moscow proclamation.

Conveniently never the one to deliver bad news, President Vladimir Putin had made an earlier television appearance in which he declared a week-long paid national holiday, starting from March 30, in hopes that Russians would exchange their dignity for a few measly rubles.

Don’t think: ‘This can’t happen to me.’ It can happen to anyone,” Putin said. “The most important thing is to stay home.”

Remarkable, isn’t it? A city that suffered one million casualties to repel a three-month Nazi onslaught in October 1941 is calling it quits in March 2020 because a handful of pensioners got sick and died of natural causes. At least Putin was candid enough to begin his bumbling soliloquy with “don’t think.” Very sporting of him.

The cherry adorning this humiliation sundae is that Putin’s generous “paid national holiday” apparently only applies to proles who can’t fulfill their tasks from home. Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov clarified on Friday that “all those who can work remotely, should.” What a little weasel.

Up until now, life in Moscow had continued largely uninterrupted by the worldwide COVID-19 bet-wetting. Sure, schools were closed in mid-March and large gatherings were banned. Chinese tourists were rounded up and sent packing, and nobody misses them. Its pride may have been slightly wounded, but the city chugged along.

We need to explain something very important before we go any further: Russians never bought into the COVID hype. The concept of “social distancing” in public never took hold here. Wearing face masks never caught on. We were recently in the very heart of the city and encountered a grand total of four people wearing protective gear. Even obvious germ emporiums such as metro stations were orderly and nearly mask-free.

So why is it suddenly so critical to human survival to “stay home”? Probably half of Moscow already has coronavirus. Herd immunity – Moscow’s half-assed version of it, anyway – was working. People at risk got out of the way. For the rest of us, it was business as usual. Sweden and the Netherlands have taken very similar approaches, with extremely promising results.

In fairness to our Kremlin overlords, Russians are not being forced to stay indoors – not yet, at least. But it’s simply a matter of time. Exorbitant fines for daring to step outside for “non-essential” reasons are almost surely on their way. Using drones to enforce social distancing might be too high-tech for our big-brained local law enforcement, but we’re sure they’ll find other ways to make life completely miserable.

‘Temporarily’ closed

Putin has already made it clear that he thinks it will take “2-3 months” to overcome the virus, but only if “forced measures” are imposed. Anyone who thinks life will return to normal after this one-week “holiday” is a massive Muppet.

Even more amusing is the thought that the Russian government cares at all about the most Covid-19-vulnerable members of society – the elderly. Their so-called pensions – a comical pittance – barely cover the cost of basic necessities. Pensioners with serious ailments have been increasingly neglected by the country’s eroded, inept public healthcare system. It’s not at all uncommon to see grandmothers begging in the streets of Moscow, their pathetic cardboard signs requesting spare change so they can buy a loaf of bread, or medicine that will keep them alive for another week.

The current COVID nightmare – we’re referring to the global totalitarian measures that will eventually murder us all, not the unimpressive respiratory illness – reminds us of a rather jarring incident that happened last spring. At the time we were living in a very swanky part of Moscow, a speedy ten minute metro ride to Red Square. One day, while walking to the neighborhood grocery store, we absentmindedly bumped into yellow police tape roping off the sidewalk. Looking down at the pavement we saw a wrinkled human foot peeking out from a blood-stained blanket. Naturally we were curious as to what the hell had happened. After mulling about, we learned from neighbors that Mr. So-and-So, who was old and sick and had no money and no family, had decided to jump from the eighth storey window. For as long as we live, we’ll never forget that mangled foot.

If only that poor, miserable old man had waited a year – Russia would have been ready to commit suicide to preserve his precious life. Or so we’re told. It’s a nice thought, at least.

The End.

Edward Slavsquat is an American in self-exile in Russia who sometimes writes things on the internet

  1. bob says

    Hahahahahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha

    Oh, i do love it when I’m proven right!

    And boy was i right about Russia and this virus

    I told people at the start of March it’d be just a matter of time before the mighty Russia was reduced into the same lockdown as the rest of the world

    But no YOU people wouldn’t have it,now look, Putin hasn’t even got the guts to lead,he leaves it up to the f#cking mayor of Moscow to become the go to man on covid 19!

    I suppose if and when it all goes tits up in Russia Teflon Putin will simply blame the Moscow mayor

    Trouble is by then the Russian economy will be in the crapper and Putin will join it

    Putin was always a vastly overrated nothing burger and now he’s gonna get found out

  2. a female faust says

    um, coronavirus kills more people than “the common cold,” i think that holds true however you define ‘the common cold. kills less than hantavirus, and may be less deadly than SARS, MERS, or Ebola, but it spreads hella faster, making it deadlier.

    Also it may be that it is even deadlier than the 1918 so-called ‘Spanish’ Flu:

    The coronavirus may be deadlier than the 1918 flu:
    Here’s how it stacks up to other pandemics

  3. Divoll79 says

    One of the most stupid articles I ever read this year.

  4. truth hertz says

    Ahhh Yes, commenters here prove what a blinding success the Perestroika Deception has been.

  5. Savely says

    Edward Slavsquat’s articles even worse then Website’s owner Marco Marianovich one’s… I wonder wether it same guy in two faces?

  6. Jozo Magoc says

    I believe that this ” self exiled” hamburger choose wrong country! He should be in his homeland, Is-real-hell! Ot is only mayter of time when some proud Rusdian kick his ass!

  7. CHUCKMAN says

    Putin is a cautious man.

    This is only the latest support for that observation.

    1. bob says

      Wake up you fool,Putin hasn’t a clue what to do

      There’s someone here commenting called ml go read what he says and let it sink into your thich head!

      If you hadn’t spent god only knows how long reading kremlin propaganda BS you’d understand what ml is saying as the truth,unfortunately you’ve been had

      I’ll come back in a couple of weeks and continue,but i can guarantee things will become really bad by then for average Russians

  8. JustPassingThrough says

    a squatting Slav from america.
    another expert heard from.

  9. albert says

    Moscow kneeling before the world government: orders from the G20. What a sad thing…the last moycan is Trump, the lonely crhistian.

    1. JustPassingThrough says

      oh albert do something original will you.

      1. Frank Dudley says

        If only.

  10. Udo Bauer says

    You can always go back home, Ed, where the fake quarantine will be permanent, not a week or two’s reluctant paid concession to the 5th column before the constitution vote. Politics is the art of compromise. Self exiles may not need to compromise, but Vlad, leader of the opposition to the entire World NATO Evil, has to be cautious, as he has rightly been on other issues.

  11. Vijay Vallamudi says

    This site is really becoming idiotic.

    To whoever is writing this nonsense, the issue is NOT natural mortality rates – ie how many and who will die in a normal situation with standard healthcare – but effective mortality rates: how many will die if and when a healthcare system is overwhelmed by an exponential rise in cases requiring hospitalization (including younger people who will normally survive if hospital care was available).

    Even if the natural mortality rate is 0, but the net hospitalization rate zooms up, the effective mortality rate – which now includes people who die because they are not able to receive standard healthcare – would go up.

    So endlessly discussing how much or how little the COVID-19 mortality is without considering whether this depends on hospitalization rate and spare capacity is useless.

    With COVID-19 in New York City (which has a large data set) approx 20% of cases are hospitalized. Even if say 10% of this could be avoided by recovering with difficulty at home – that’s still 10%. If the case load grows extreme and hospitals get clogged up (average time using ventilators is apparently 11-14 days or more vs the flu which is 3-4 days), then effective mortality rate of even a normally 100% treatable disease will go up.

    And indeed in every cluster (Wuhan, Qom, Teheran, Lombardy, New York City) the danger has been capacity being overwhelmed leading to poorer health outcomes including death.

    There are a number of COVID-19 cases in Russia in hospitals who are not dead because they are receiving good care because the hospitals still have capacity. That may not be the case in two weeks (which is also why Russia is building a hospital outside Moscow to increase capacity)

    1. C D says

      Way too many rubbish articles like this…Anti Empire is now in the bin.
      Marco, you and your squatting Slav should self exile in Israel to feel like home.

    2. marshall lentini says

      If the issue is only capacity, then Russia was fucked from the start: medical facilities here are old, totally insufficient, and embarrassing. They were putting people ten to a room at the infectious disease hospitals *before* COVID-19 … all ten of them with unknown diseases!

      I know this because my wife is about to give birth, and not being an aloof, smelly Russian gopnik who doesn’t care about his woman or his child, I’ve gone with her to many appointments and clinics, firstly because I want to make sure everything is ok, secondly because the women at these shitty clinics tend to treat young women without a man next to them like absolute shit, because they’re usually old, fat, and ugly.

      Not only is Russian infrastructure unprepared for a runaway disease; its unprepared for absolutely any amount of patients, because:

      1- Staff don’t give a shit at all; there is zero esprit de corps as with all Russian workers
      2- The buildings are Soviet or pre-Soviet garbage heaps, ugly, depressing, built for exponentially fewer people, and mostly not up to modern standards
      3- There isn’t money to do anything more than throw someone onto a bed, feed them kasha three times a day, and wait for something else to happen

      If someone is receiving quality care in Moscow, it’s because they’re paying for it or they got extremely lucky. Everyone else is fucked.

      1. truth hertz says

        In a time of universal deceit — telling the truth is a revolutionary act. Thanks for sharing. So many gullible sheep, so little time.

        1. marshall lentini says

          Anyone who thinks Russia is a great place to live should live here for six months. Unless they’re an alcoholic or have a lot of money, I promise you they’ll be singing a different tune by the end.

          1. Padre says

            What are you still doing there, go west young boy, there is a heaven on earth with unsurpassed medical and social care!

  12. marshall lentini says

    In fact this article is great. He’s dead-on about everything.

    The only false note is the claim that Russians aren’t wearing masks; about half of the people where I am – mostly young, ironically – are doing it, and of course there’s now a plethora of fashionable masks.

    As for the old people here, and I mean this wholeheartedly and unironically: fuck ’em. They are a relic population akin to American Indians, they aren’t sweet or even minimally polite most of the time, and they need to disappear forever. These people disappearing would be one more step toward Russia shaking off its cumbersome Soviet past.

  13. Séamus Ó Néill says

    Inane rubbish from some uneducated moron with obviously very little self-esteem !

  14. watcher12 says

    Good article Edward. I wondered how Russian leaders would display their obedience.

    They were quick and decisive. Shutter those Orthodox churches that everyone is prattling about. God has nothing to do with this! Obey the state!

    1. watcher12 says
  15. ravenise says

    Yes even the fake joke of an alternative reality media is living in delusion and denial as they gradually come to via the age old three stage process of coming to terms with reality.

  16. stevek9 says

    Very depressing indeed. As workable treatments (Hydroxychloroquine + Azithormycin – courtesy of Professor Dr. Didier Raoult) become widespread, perhaps our benevolent authorities will not be able to keep up this sham.

    1. ravenise says

      I came up with my own because the system here in the west failed me, and this saved my life

  17. isaac says

    Jew Putin doin’ the jew thing….

  18. SKA99 says

    What a pathetic article by Edward Slavsquat🤣
    Putin always said that Russia will not be spared from the virus and steps were taken to prepare at an early stage giving Russians a good chance to weather the storm when it hits and at the same time delay the onslaught so vital information may be harvested and lessons learnt from other nations to help tackle the pandemic.

    Russia has worked closely with China from the get go thus receiving much experience and knowledge.

    If anything; Russia and Putin have done very well. Bravo.

  19. Kerry F says

    Too many rubbish articles like this…Anti Empire is now in the bin

    1. itchyvet says

      Written by an America, what else would anyone expect ? The vitriol contained within the article is not in conformity with the writers choice to leave his home country and live in Russia. If he has such a poor view of Russian Government. why the hell is he even living there ??????

      1. Divoll79 says

        To write vitriol articles as this one above. If he is “anti-empire”, rather than a stooge of it, I am E.T.

    2. ravenise says

      These people are living in denial; Truth passes through three stages: first, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as self-evident.

  20. JustPassingThrough says

    The latest news Pres. Trump speaks out on the Corona Virus:

  21. Mary E says

    It had to be some order from ‘above’ that made the Russians imitate what the US people are having to do….this whole thing is outrageous and a ploy (in US at least) to usurp more power for some parts of government (mainly the administration) and change laws and regulations that currently benefit the country and its people…US: say goodbye to democracy,
    if it was still there at all.

    1. JustPassingThrough says

      the murikans said good-bye to democracy when they adopted and re-adopted the 2 Patriot Acts. control over the populatrion was “uslurped” during the reign of the village idiot.

      this is something else what is it?

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