More Doctors Being Replaced by Kiosks That Just Play Pfizer Commercials

With hospitals facing historic labor shortages, many are automating their workforce by replacing doctors with slick new television kiosks that just play Pfizer commercials to patients.

“We found that most doctors were just looking up your symptoms in their doctor books and simply prescribing whatever drug Pfizer recommends for your ailments,” said ProHealthica CEO Bub Squibbles. “Once we realized that’s all they really do, we thought ‘Hey! We can automate that!'”

ProHealthica will be rolling out 1,200 new kiosks to replace their dwindling pool of physicians. Patients will simply select their symptoms on the touchscreen, and then watch Pfizer commercials for the cocktail of drugs Pfizer recommends. They can then simply click “order” to have the meds shipped directly to them.

According to sources, the kiosks have better bedside manner than most doctors and will save all the wasted time by simplifying healthcare down to what it’s really all about: creating a steady stream of income for Pfizer and government agencies.

Source: The Babylon Bee

Text may contain traces of satire.

  1. ken says

    They don’t even check the books,,, they just say covid,,, covid,,, covid,,, covid,,, ad naseum.

  2. Kieran says

    today’s satire may be tomorrow’s reality if doctors don’t stand up to the medical mafia that rules today. Yes, its a mafia no less, more dangerous and nasty that the heroin and cocaine cabals. Already a large section of eminent REAL practicing doctors, scientists, virologists, epidemiologists have been cancelled and banished from social and mainstream media for signing the Barrington Declaration. So,that reduces the remaining to Yes-men to the shenanigans of the corrupted medical bodies, WHO, FDA, CDC et al. So this satire isn’t that far fetched. So many polls today showing shocking loss of confidence in doctors, hospitals, medical authorities because doctors are not being allowed to practice medicine for the purpose of healing and cure but rather are pushing the agendas of Big Pharma and Vaccine lobby

  3. raymond lambert says

    ‘Many a true word is spoken in jest’. There will be a worker in the bowls of the Pfizer complex having read this saying ‘F…k Me, we didn’t think of that’

  4. Howard T. Lewis III says

    The new college classes specializing in Genetic studies must by now have concluded and now must teach that this ‘COVID-19’/5G/coronaSARS psychological warfare leading to genocide PROVES that too many doctors are proof prostitutes in some American alleyway are breeding with swine. we all must die so they can have more. Obviously fair natural competition is out of the question. remember, folks. The best part of being bullied and knocked down is getting back up and thrashing the maggot into his jail cell.

  5. abinico warez says

    What a great idea! What could possibly go wrong.

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