Joe Biden Announces Civil War

U.S.—In a stirring address to the country today, Biden has announced a new Civil War.

“Look, folks—here’s the deal. For real this time. No joke. The words on the screen I’m supposed to read are saying that we’re gonna force millions of people to get vaccinated against their will. Gotta do it folks,” said Biden as he read off the teleprompter. “To enforce this, we’re just gonna have ourselves a little Civil War. It’s been a while since we had one of those. Let’s just fight it out until all the unvaccinated people are dead or we’re all dead which will stop the spread of COVID. Win-win, folks.”

Biden assured the American people they will lose the upcoming Civil War as they don’t have any F-15’s or nukes. Any unvaccinated Americans who survive will be sent to special camps where they will learn the importance of getting vaccinated.

“For real, I don’t see how anyone can be against this! Come on, man!” Biden said.

(UPDATE: After reading an article in the Huffington Post that unvaccinated people are just like the Taliban, Biden immediately surrendered to them and gave them a bunch of free weapons.)

Source: The Babylon Bee

Text may contain traces of satire.

  1. raymond lambert says

    If I understand correctly the information provided by government and vaccine producers, being vaccinated will not prevent me being infected or transmitting to others. I am led to believe that the symptoms will be less and recovery quicker. My conclusion to this is that without the vaccine it will take 7 days to recover, and with the vaccine only 1 week. Of course without the vaccine I will not be one of the unfortunate “few”(as is claimed), that suffer death from side effects of Orwellian type government control.

    1. ken says

      I don’t think they are overly concerned about anyone’s personal conclusion or choices.

    2. Isaac aondona shaahu says


    3. Eddy says

      IF any of these alleged “vaccines” are even half as good as being claimed, why is it, that Israel, which has the largest number of vaccinated people on the planet, also has the largest number of hospitalised people, who have all been vaccinated TWICE ???? Moreover, why is it, despite being vaccinated TWICE, their Government is now talking of a THIRD shot, and these to continue every 6 months ? Dunno about anyone else, but it seems to me, these alleged “vaccinations” are doing far more damage than Covid ever could on it’s own.

  2. ken says

    Again,,, the Bee is translating Biden’s speech into its true meaning.

  3. NGg says

    Idiot in the WH

  4. yuri says

    “who needs conspiracies when stupidity explains so much”. Goethe

  5. yuri says

    machiavelli did observe as people become corrupt immoral decadent, they require incompetent moron leaders…the senile cabbage more inept than trump….a military command that kills soldiers trying to withdraw from Afghanistan and a reptile Fauci that claims that covid is worse HIV…after Biden will Emperor Gates install a worse moron prez?

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