Joe Biden Announces Civil War
U.S.—In a stirring address to the country today, Biden has announced a new Civil War.
“Look, folks—here’s the deal. For real this time. No joke. The words on the screen I’m supposed to read are saying that we’re gonna force millions of people to get vaccinated against their will. Gotta do it folks,” said Biden as he read off the teleprompter. “To enforce this, we’re just gonna have ourselves a little Civil War. It’s been a while since we had one of those. Let’s just fight it out until all the unvaccinated people are dead or we’re all dead which will stop the spread of COVID. Win-win, folks.”
Biden assured the American people they will lose the upcoming Civil War as they don’t have any F-15’s or nukes. Any unvaccinated Americans who survive will be sent to special camps where they will learn the importance of getting vaccinated.
“For real, I don’t see how anyone can be against this! Come on, man!” Biden said.
(UPDATE: After reading an article in the Huffington Post that unvaccinated people are just like the Taliban, Biden immediately surrendered to them and gave them a bunch of free weapons.)
Source: The Babylon Bee
Text may contain traces of satire.