‘I think My Son’s Crush Is From an Anti-Vax Family. Should I Drive Them Apart?’

"He wants to take her to the high school dance. I’m worried about what he might bring home"

Totally not a cult

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group.

Dear Care and Feeding,

How can we navigate teen dating in the time of COVID? Our family has been very diligent with proper precautions, and we’re all vaccinated.

Unfortunately, we live in a state that has banned school mask mandates and other mitigation measures. We also live in a particularly red ZIP code, surrounded by anti-vaxxers.

My son “James” is in high school and really likes a girl named “Kayla.” He’d like to take her to a dance in a few weeks. We think Kayla’s family may be conservative Christians, a group with one of the lowest vaccination rates. James doesn’t know whether Kayla is vaccinated, and he’s nervous to ask because he doesn’t want to cause a rift.

We’ve told him to ask her in a low-key way, but if we find out she’s not vaxxed, what are we to do with that information? Tell him to break it off? That he has to ask a potential date her vaccination status up front? That’s easy to do for adults, but a kid doesn’t really make their own vaccination decisions.

We don’t want to make his adolescence even more weird and difficult than it already has been, but we’ve worked so hard to keep our family safe. We also don’t want to create an impression that we’re policing his relationships based on religion, if that turns out to be a factor. What is fair to do in this situation?

—Perplexed About Pandemic Puppy Love

Dear Perplexed,

I think you’re right that while aspects of pandemic dating are also complicated for adults, the whole thing is much worse for teens. Even pre-vaccination, adults could try to carefully form pods based on their relative comfort and risk analysis, and ask one another about vaccination status, mask wearing, and other COVID safety measures. But so many of those decisions are made by parents, not kids, and there’s not a great way to bubble with anyone when you’re going to high school every day.

If Kayla isn’t vaccinated, if she doesn’t wear a mask at school or take other COVID precautions, I know you probably won’t feel good about James going to the dance with her. Maybe you’d even be tempted to put your foot down and say they shouldn’t hang out alone. But I will point out that that’s a very hard line to draw, and all but impossible to enforce. I do think it’s fine for James to ask Kayla if she’s vaccinated—it has nothing to do with policing anyone’s religion, because it’d be good info for him to have regardless of her family’s beliefs. It’s her right not to answer, of course, but if she gets upset with him for asking, that might be a warning sign he should note before going out with her, no?

Ultimately, no matter what you say, if they want to see each other, they’re probably going to see each other, during normal school hours at the very least. You might try to make sure that time is spent as safely as possible, especially if Kayla isn’t vaccinated—outdoors if possible, masked when not, etc. Talk with James about the stakes: He’s not immune to COVID, neither is Kayla, and he doesn’t want either of them to get sick or make others sick.

Acknowledge that you know it’s hard and feels unfair to have to factor COVID risk into his social life, but he’s not alone; responsible people everywhere are behaving and making decisions differently than they would otherwise. Be as accommodating as you can when it comes to things you know are safe—i.e., don’t take him to task if he spends more time talking to her or other friends on the phone. Emphasize that for the sake of the rest of your family and everyone else you’re in contact with, he needs to tell you if he does anything that exposes you all to additional risk.

As for the question of whether or not James goes to the dance with Kayla, I know it feels like a weird decision for you to be involved with at all, but COVID has changed a lot of things. You can try to find out what, if any, COVID measures are in place for the dance. If I were in your position, I wouldn’t feel good letting my kid go to a packed indoor dance with large numbers of unmasked people right now, regardless of their date’s vaccination status.

But I’m not facing this particular decision; you are, and I think all you can do is approach it as you would any other pandemic-era decision: Discuss all the risks and variables that apply to you and your family’s situation, and then make a call you can live with. It might not be the exact same call another parent makes. But you’re the only one who can consider all the factors involved, weigh the benefits against the possible cost, and make the choice that feels, if not great, then the best one you can make in this situation.

Source: Slate

  1. Jerry Hood says

    Your son is gay, and you are stupid bitch!

    1. Matthew Clarke says

      Thank you, Jerry. As I read this I felt that internalizing rage we have all come to know during this sick, evil time. Your comment made me smile. I know some would say that’s dark, but hey, they can go f-ck themselves. I’ve just about had it!

      I have come to believe that it is too late for many. Like this women, her family, probably most of her friends and colleagues (except those ones that smile and think she’s a complete idiot) Yes, I know we are all going to die eventually, and the gears of this sick machine might just be heading our way. But, I for one, if that is the case, will die with my head on straight and knowing, to the best of my abilities, right from wrong. These people are frantic cowards. Lost souls. They do anything the crowd does. A MF’ing hive-mind!

      1. Doug Ryler says

        Getting the death jab guarantees sickness and/or death.

  2. yuri says

    real source: Babylon bee

  3. GMC says

    The elite globalist corporations have soooo much money , they can buy anyone, anything, anywhere and push the propaganda 24/7 , untill 50% all the peasants are dead. Then they will work on the other 50% with the same bought off traitors. I’m waiting for a little johnnie joke against the ignorant teachers who are all in on this stupidity.

  4. Michele Baillie says

    I wonder if this is Connie Chung’s daughter….who was/is married to Maury Povich. Interesting to note that the pharma companies CEO’s and big tech media companies are all run by Jews….and pushing the clot shot…..ever heard of loxism?

  5. ken says

    Dear Perplexed.

    You are a covtard.

    You might want to do some research rather than listening to those CNN medical quacks. You would discover YOU and yours are the spreaders of misery as your gene therapy (injections) causes shedding. This shedding will likely sterilize the young lady at worse messing up her reproduction cycling system at best.

    You are a classic hypochondriac worried about an alleged virus that has never been isolated or sequenced. It is likely a version of the flu OR a corona virus called a ‘cold’ which has a survival rate of the age group your talking about of 100%. With a recovery rate like that a vaccine, even if it worked 100%, would be of zero use.

    It would do your son good to be around a person that has no mental issues but as your son presents a mortal danger to the unvaxxed he should isolate away from her.

    Keep an eye on your son as the shot is especially dangerous to children his age. Your ignorance and unfounded fear has likely done serious harm to him. If anything happens to either of them it will lie on your shoulders for being a complete dumbass and not taking 30 minutes to research.

    You probably believe 9/11 was done by OBL as well.

    1. peter bradley says

      very, very good

    2. Gerry Dupuis says

      You are 150% correct! Good on you for explaining exactly what the” real science is” I’m getting tired of these sheeple labeling people as anti-vaxers!. Maybe they should refer to more accurately as critical thinkers!

      1. Hany says

        You dummy…You’re supposed to follow the money….I mean science.
        Check out my website… https://vax.droppages.com/

    3. Raptar Driver says

      Beautiful. OBL was dead before 911 happened.

  6. Coram Nobis says

    Thanks for reminding me why I never read *Slate* anymore……..

  7. Joe_Below says

    James should check himself in for a post-birth abortion. Something he shouldn’t even have to tell you about.

    1. Rabbitnexus says

      He got jabbed, so that’s in the mail.

  8. lindsay says

    If I was Kayla and her family, I would stay away from these vaccinated super spreaders at all cost. If you do not stay away from them then they will be shedding the crap from these shots and adversely affecting your health.

  9. D.b says

    Go hide in your basement and stay there

  10. Malatok says

    Snip him in the bud…go full covaids transgender mutant retard and start him on the hormone meds. He can even virtue signal “his sacrifice” and sell his cajones on ebait.

  11. Rabbitnexus says

    Dear Perplexed. Kill yourself and your six closest friends, as they’re bound to be as worthless people as you are you daft cow.

  12. Between Three Centuries says

    Absolutely break up this relationship. They might get really serious about each other and you must protect your son from being broken hearted when his girlfriend or if she became his wife dies from taking the vaccine. He might burn his home down and he and his brothers move to Tombstone Arizona and start a business and end up shooting a bunch of thieving Democrats in an alley by a corral.

    1. Doc C says

      Wow, now that’s some creative imagination!

  13. Rife says

    Keep them apart. Don’t contaminate the boy’s family and gene pool.

  14. name says

    Do the right thing and tell your son his health is destoyed and he is sterile, tell him to keep away from the healthy girl and find another sickly vaxxed beastie to take to the dance.

  15. don says

    Hell yes split them up!
    For Kayla’s sake!!!

  16. Phil Troutman says

    Not sure who’s dumber here, Q or A

  17. Bobby says

    Poor guy. Women are a narcotic terribly hard to overcome. lol

  18. Bobby says

    Why are people who received the vaccine so cowardly? Don’t the believe it will keep them healthy against the unvaccinated? That’s the theory behind vaccination. How stupid and cowardly can you get. Also, the vaccination is said to keep one out of the hospital. Again, how stupid can you get. Or is it just the natural rage most people have when someone doesn’t get on the bandwagon.? F–off.

    1. Doc C says

      If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We’re no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. It’s simply too painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves, that we’ve been taken.”

      — Carl Sagan, astronomer and writer (1934-1996)

  19. Forgetmenot says

    Why the FUCK isn’t JAMES vaccinated, and if JAMES is vaccinated, and JAMES’ crazy ass parents are vaccinated, why the FUCK are they worried about Kayla or ANYONE who is NOT vaccinated? Why the fuck are they worried? Oh silly me, I forgot, because they are all fucking neurotic narcissists, that don’t realize their own mortality. That’s why. Silly me, for forgetting that. Maybe James and his fucking crazy ass parents can fly on a rocket ship (I hear SpaceX and Virgin Galactic are working on this) and poplulate a planet where only vaccinated narcissists can live (you know that a private Chinese company is working on this with Elon Musk and will call it ‘CovidFreedomEscapeFromTheFlatEarthers’- CFEFTFE Space Program) until, that is, their new planet is hit by an asteroid and incinerates all of them in a fucking instant. Now back to regularly scheduled programming.

  20. Steven Rowlandson says

    If the Girl is unvaxed and the young man is unvaxed and both are straight white and christian this is a good thing and they should if they have compatible blood types get married and reproduce and avoid the clot shot no matter what. Such a couple would be the future of our race and species. Those who object please get all the booster shots possible and leave this world. Humanity doesn’t need you.

  21. seth rich says

    Simple advice. Absolutley drive a wedge between the 2 of them if she really is a girl. The only instance where you should encourage the relationship is if “she” is really a guy/trans/person of another color/Antifa member.

  22. Dano S. says

    No, don’t drive them apart. Your son should run away and ask for the normal family to take him in. He’ll have a better future.

  23. Doc C says

    It still kinda floors me that bigots like this lady — “We live in a particularly red ZIP code, surrounded by anti-vaxxers… We think Kayla’s family may be conservative Christians, a group with one of the lowest vaccination rates.” — are just so comfortable saying these things as if they are not at all questionable or offensive to some. She might as well say “Those diseased Christians and their backward ways.”

    Blacks also have low a “vaxx” rate. Would she casually toss off that unfortunately, she lives in a particularly black ZIP code and Kayla is a young African or African-American woman, so should we discourage dating her? You know, those blacks.

    The hypocrisy from supposed “inclusive” people can be breathtaking. 

  24. Tod Foulk says

    poor young man will never get the umbilicus severed. and is mom’s name ”karen”?

  25. Bob says

    If my son had a crush on someone from a vaxxed family I would do what I can to keep them apart. The vaxxed transmit spike proteins in bodily fluids, putting their loved ones at risk. STAY AWAY from the vaxxed.

  26. abinico warez says

    Just have both kids wear a full body condom – readily available on Amazon.

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