‘I Don’t Study Science, I AM the Science,’ Growls Grizzled, Bald Dr. Fauci to Reporters

Dr. Fauci went off on reporters this week in a press conference after being questioned on all the positions he has flip-flopped on over the last year.

“Did you make a mistake, Dr. Fauci?” asked one reporter. “Maybe you just made a mistake in the science. That happens sometimes, right?”

Fauci, who was now sporting a goatee and shaved head, narrowed his eyes and growled at the reporters.

“Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I make in a year? Even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe it! Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going in to work? A network of laboratories big enough to be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly up. No, you CLEARLY don’t know who you’re talking to here,” yelled Fauci angrily.

The reporters just sat there in stunned silence.

“I am not studying science,” Fauci bellowed. “I AM THE SCIENCE!” 

The White House press pool then began to cry and apologize to Dr. Fauci, until Jen Psaki came in and passed out cookies and juice boxes to cheer everyone up.

Source: The Babylon Bee

Text may contain traces of satire.

  1. yuri says

    Benito the don faucillini has been granted a honorary degree from Sicilian theosophy institute for his creation of hybrid cult that combines covidian worship with satanism

  2. April Preston says

    Disperse a meme with Little LaVey lurking in the upper balcony of the Hotel California whilst donning nothing but his magical morphed lab coat that now looks like a bathrobe sporting special symbols.

    Will critical thought ever stir in the mind of his constituents?

Leave A Reply

Your email address will not be published.