HERO: Man Stranded on Desert Island Still Obediently Wearing His Mask

The U.S. Coast Guard announced today that they discovered a man who has been stranded on a deserted island in the Caribbean Ocean for over 5 months after his boat sunk in a storm. A spokesman for the USCG reported that this heroic man has been responsibly wearing his mask the entire time on the island, even though he is the only living soul in a thousand-mile radius.

“This man is a true hero,” said Governor Gavin Newsom of California. “He is a shining example of an obedient citizen who dutifully wears his mask even when it makes absolutely zero sense for any sane person to do so. California citizens ought to look to this survivor and emulate him in every way.”

Celebrities took to Twitter to respond to the news and congratulate the stranded man on his unwavering commitment to obeying every single thing politicians and experts told him to do. “Thank you,” said superstar Mark Ruffalo, “for showing us all how it’s done!”

Authorities were planning on rescuing the survivor but later decided his story is just too inspiring and that he will serve a greater purpose if they just leave him there to continue wearing his mask.

“He has enough coconuts to last him a couple of years, he’ll be fine,” said the USCG spokesman. “Besides, wait till you see how he re-applies his mask between bites!”

Source: The Babylon Bee

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Иван
Иван
2 months ago

Wow. Just wow…

itchyvet
itchyvet
2 months ago

Imagine the gunk and crap within the material of this mask ? imho, I’d say it’d be a health risk breathing thru it. L.O.L.

ke4ram
ke4ram
2 months ago

Many laugh at the Bee’s satire and think it funny and stupid, while they in real life are doing the same stupid things. Of course then its not funny or stupid….. Get it?

Le Ruse
Le Ruse
2 months ago

Is that a satire ?? Nobody can’t be that STUPID ?? Even an American ??

voza0db
2 months ago
Reply to  Le Ruse

No… Babylon Bee only writes Real World Facts and Events.

Le Ruse
Le Ruse
2 months ago
Reply to  voza0db

I wouldn’t bet my last dollar, that this is a satire ?

Anti-Empire