Health Experts Now Recommend Maximizing Social Distance by Attending a Biden Rally

Health experts across the globe are recommending a new strategy for maximizing your social distance: attending a Joe Biden rally.

Officials say there’s no better place to be miles away from most other humans.

“When you attend a Joe Biden rally, you’re very unlikely to get infected, since, you know, there’s no one else there,” said one CDC official. “We’ve found that Trump rallies are super-spreader events since there’s a ton of people. Biden rallies are great for stopping the virus. You just stand in the middle of a field while an old guy shouts from a podium hundreds of feet far away from you.”

“Plus, you can rest and relax. Get away from the busyness of modern life: attend a Biden rally. BIDEN-HARRIS 2020!”

The health experts named several alternatives that are also acceptable for maximal social distancing, including attending a Biden boat parade, a Biden car parade, and a Nickelback concert.

Source: The Babylon Bee

Text may contain traces of satire.

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
9 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

Le Ruse
Le Ruse
1 month ago

Health Experts Now Recommend Maximizing Social Distance by Attending a Biden Rally
Yupp ! I buy that !

Saint Jimmy (Russian American)
Saint Jimmy (Russian American)
1 month ago
Reply to  Le Ruse

What they didn’t tell us in this article is that you have to have a vaccination and a frontal lobotomy before attending a rally.

Le Ruse
Le Ruse
1 month ago

Plus ! If you don’t know ?
Is.. That FARTS can spread Covidiocy as well, so all of you have to wear a butt plug !
Which will be checked up at the entrance to Joe’s rally.. All pants down & bending over ! TSA will be conducting the check up !
Remember. No butt plug ? No admittance to the rally ?

Saint Jimmy (Russian American)
Saint Jimmy (Russian American)
1 month ago
Reply to  Le Ruse

Put in your ear plugs. Put on your eyeshades. You know where to put the ball.

~ The Who (Tommy)

Le Ruse
Le Ruse
1 month ago

But.. Where are the butt plugs with The Who ??

Saint Jimmy (Russian American)
Saint Jimmy (Russian American)
1 month ago
Reply to  Le Ruse

The Who wasn’t ever going to wear butt plugs for anybody. They were the real fucking deal. Townshend has double the intelligence of both illustrious fat fuck fashion models vying to be Puppet Emperor.

Le Ruse
Le Ruse
1 month ago

Well, you can get one there ?

comment image?w=800&quality=85
Paris Christmas Tree Butt Plug in the Place Vendome

Saint Jimmy (Russian American)
Saint Jimmy (Russian American)
1 month ago
Reply to  Le Ruse

I wish I hadn’t seen that.

ke4ram
ke4ram
1 month ago

The Bee is great… but they forgot to say to wear a brown mask to camouflage the BS coming from the speaker.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!