Health Experts Now Recommend Maximizing Social Distance by Attending a Biden Rally

Health experts across the globe are recommending a new strategy for maximizing your social distance: attending a Joe Biden rally.

Officials say there’s no better place to be miles away from most other humans.

“When you attend a Joe Biden rally, you’re very unlikely to get infected, since, you know, there’s no one else there,” said one CDC official. “We’ve found that Trump rallies are super-spreader events since there’s a ton of people. Biden rallies are great for stopping the virus. You just stand in the middle of a field while an old guy shouts from a podium hundreds of feet far away from you.”

“Plus, you can rest and relax. Get away from the busyness of modern life: attend a Biden rally. BIDEN-HARRIS 2020!”

The health experts named several alternatives that are also acceptable for maximal social distancing, including attending a Biden boat parade, a Biden car parade, and a Nickelback concert.

Source: The Babylon Bee

Text may contain traces of satire.

  1. Le Ruse says

    Health Experts Now Recommend Maximizing Social Distance by Attending a Biden Rally
    Yupp ! I buy that !

    1. Saint Jimmy (Russian American) says

      What they didn’t tell us in this article is that you have to have a vaccination and a frontal lobotomy before attending a rally.

      1. Le Ruse says

        Plus ! If you don’t know ?
        Is.. That FARTS can spread Covidiocy as well, so all of you have to wear a butt plug !
        Which will be checked up at the entrance to Joe’s rally.. All pants down & bending over ! TSA will be conducting the check up !
        Remember. No butt plug ? No admittance to the rally ?

        1. Saint Jimmy (Russian American) says

          Put in your ear plugs. Put on your eyeshades. You know where to put the ball.

          ~ The Who (Tommy)

          1. Le Ruse says

            But.. Where are the butt plugs with The Who ??

            1. Saint Jimmy (Russian American) says

              The Who wasn’t ever going to wear butt plugs for anybody. They were the real fucking deal. Townshend has double the intelligence of both illustrious fat fuck fashion models vying to be Puppet Emperor.

            2. Le Ruse says

              Well, you can get one there ?

              Paris Christmas Tree Butt Plug in the Place Vendome

            3. Saint Jimmy (Russian American) says

              I wish I hadn’t seen that.

  2. ke4ram says

    The Bee is great… but they forgot to say to wear a brown mask to camouflage the BS coming from the speaker.

Leave A Reply

Your email address will not be published.