Governor Newsom Orders All Trees to Wear Masks to Prevent Spread of Wildfires

"My proposal is proven and grounded in SCIENCE"

Fresh off his fireside chat to the state of California last week, Governor Gavin Newsom is announcing swift action to combat the spread of wild global-warming fires in his state. According to sources, Newsom will be signing an executive order requiring all trees to wear masks so that they don’t catch fire.

“My proposal is proven and grounded in SCIENCE,” said the governor in a statement. “Everyone knows masks work. They stop things from spreading. They stop COVID from spreading. Of course, they would also stop fires from spreading! SCIENCE tells us that masks solve almost every problem that has ever existed. This isn’t that difficult. These are facts. It’s just SCIENCE!”

Starting this week, Police, Firefighters, and Forest Management Personnel will be tasked with applying a giant mask to every single tree in the state. The governor is also considering requiring all sea turtles in California to also wear masks to prevent straws from getting stuck in their noses.

Hooray for SCIENCE!

Source: The Babylon Bee

Text may contain traces of satire.

  1. sabelmouse says


  2. Mr. Evans says

    Californicatia Governator Gavin $crewYou$ome-More . . . lol . . .

  3. Mr. Evans says

    lol. . . .

  4. cechas vodobenikov says

    “amerikans believe anything described as scientific without question”. Geoffrey Gorer

    1. sabelmouse says

      so do many in europe.

  5. disqus_3BrONUAJno says

    “Text may contain traces of satire.”
    There isn’t even a trace of may.

  6. Saint Jimmy (Russian American) says

    Don’t give these frightened, spoiled pussies any more ideas. That corrupt, front running faggot might actually do it.

    1. Mary E says

      Oh goodness! What atrocious language from a ‘saint’….
      who is not schooled in literature …and doesn’t recognize satire when it hits him-or her in the face.

      1. Saint Jimmy (Russian American) says

        Shut up Karen.

    2. disqus_3BrONUAJno says

      Are you really that oblivious to satire?

  7. Canosin says

    ttttzzzzzzz funny 😄

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