FDA Agrees to Use Children in Experiments Instead of Dogs

WASHINGTON, DC—Following outrage about Dr. Anthony Fauci’s use of beagles in horrible experiments, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has agreed to use children 5-11 in deadly experiments instead of beagles.

“We agree that it is horrible to subject those poor dogs to the type of experiments that Fauci was conducting. So, we’re going to use human children in our experiments,” FDA advisor Chet Forbranse said.

The move was based on Pfizer’s request to experiment their COVID vaccine on children aged 5-11.

“This is really smart,” Forbranse said. “We need to release the drug to the masses or else we’re never going to see how harmful it really is.”

CNN is reporting that the new experiments will be mostly peaceful.

The vote is a crucial step towards experimenting on younger children, but not the final word. If the FDA decides to formally authorize the experiments, the Centers for Disease Control and Promotion (CDC) must also weigh in with its own recommendations on how and when children should be used in experiments.

Source: Genesius Times

Text may contain traces of satire.