Fauci: ‘Dying Cancer Victims Should Just Be Glad They Didn’t Get COVID-19 With a 99.8% Cure Rate’

“Look, dying of COVID-19 is the worst possible death known to mankind. Cancer, on the other hand is a great way to die"

Tens of thousands of cooperative self-isolating quarantined citizens are coming out of their basements. A bit dazed, a little pale, but with something our so-called experts didn’t see coming.

Many are presenting to their primary care physicians with lumps. Not small lumps which would have been easy to diagnose and treat but golfball-sized lumps that have already spread like butter on hot corn.

Why just last week, Ms. Justine Bean Screwed claimed, “I’ve been in my basement since Christmas. I first noticed a tiny weeny lump in my right breast. Then I noticed a tiny weeny lump in my right armpit. What’s weird is that over the winter, instead of gaining weight like everyone else, I started losing weight. Great, I thought. When I got down to 65 pounds I thought maybe I should come out of my basement and see a doctor.”

Services for Ms. Screwed will be held next week.

Dr. Fauci was told of the explosion of undiagnosed and untreated cancer. He explained, “Look, dying of COVID-19 is the worst possible death known to mankind. Cancer, on the other hand is a great way to die. Months or years of surgery, chemotherapy, radiation are kinda fun with the right attitude. There is a silver lining here. Our economy is collapsing so all the cancer doctors and radiation therapists are going to be booming. A win-win.”

Unfortunately, Dr. Evil….er Fauci could not be reached for further clarification as he is rumored to be in Argentina living among the other 80+ year old Nazis.

Source: Genesius Times

Text may contain traces of satire.

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fluttershield mlp
fluttershield mlp
3 months ago

The CDC and NIH, here in the USA, are owned by big pharma now. Exactly like all government appointees here. This government only works for the rich and their corporations.

Saint Jimmy (Russian American)
Saint Jimmy (Russian American)
3 months ago

This worthless turd needs to be flushed down a toilet.

LS
LS
3 months ago

I do not trust this little man.

David Bedford
David Bedford
3 months ago
Reply to  LS

Is this supposed to be satire on not?

Anti-Empire