Democrats Reveal They Have Planted Dynamite All Around Nation And Will Blow It Up If Biden Isn’t Elected

"A vote for Joe Biden is a vote to not die in an elaborately designed Rube Goldberg-style booby trap rigged with confetti and explosives"

In an address to the nation written using letters cut out from a magazine and glued to paper, the Democrats are offering their most persuasive case yet for Biden’s election. According to the letter, Democrats have planted booby traps rigged with dynamite all throughout the country, and they are set to explode if Biden is not elected president.

“Why so serious?” said Biden’s running mate Kamala Harris. “It’s just a little joke! The real joke is Trump, and we’re just joining in all the fun! HEE HEE HEE HA HO HA HEE HO!”

“Vote for Biden, or the country you love will be blown sky-high — HAHAHA!” cackled Nancy Pelosi. “If you don’t want to see the Lincoln Memorial, shall we say, in a state of disrepair, you’d better vote for the old, senile man! Ha ha ha ha ha! HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAA… fnffff oh, do excuse me… ha ha ha ha ha! HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!” Her heavy makeup smeared down her face as she cried in laughter, making her resemble a clown.

In a statement, Biden’s teleprompter reiterated the point. “Threatening topline message: I’m not an agent of chaos,” Biden’s teleprompter said in a statement to the press. “But there are people out there who will create a lot of chaos if Trump is re-elected. Not that I want that to happen. I would hate to see something bad happen to this country. For your safety, I recommend voting for me. I’d hate for you to wake up with a horse’s head in your bed, or a bunch of killer clowns surrounding your house. Just give us what we want. It’s for your safety.”

Senator Mitt Romney also issued a video statement in support of Biden, flipping a coin and shouting about how blowing up the country would be much better than the bad orange man before he turned to reveal half his face had been burned off in a recent peaceful protest. “You either die a Republican or you live long enough to see yourself become basically a Democrat.”

Rep. Jerry Nadler revealed he has planted TNT all throughout the Capitol Building, as he wielded an umbrella and munched on some raw fish.

“A vote for Joe Biden is a vote to not die in an elaborately designed Rube Goldberg-style booby trap rigged with confetti and explosives,” said Biden Director of Strategic Communications Kamau Mandela Marshall. “He’s just trying to protect you. Let’s not blow this out of proportion.”

“Madness is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!” Marshall then said as he attempted to push over a statue of Columbus, though it proved to be too heavy.

Source: The Babylon Bee

Text may contain traces of satire.

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
3 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

itchyvet
itchyvet
3 months ago

How is it possible, that ranking Officials of the U.S. Government can make threats of blowing things up and not be held accountable for such threats ? Crikey, if I were to make such threats, the Cop’sd be on my doorstep with a warrant before I even put the phone down. Yet Americans simply shrug it off ?? WEIRD !

cechas vodobenikov
cechas vodobenikov
3 months ago

dems r dimwits…soulless, automatons, that promote international terrorism and antifa counter-revolutionary fascists—amerikans love corporate capitalism
blm—100$ million from CIA/Ford foundation, 20$ million US corps (how revolutionary)….I suspect the antifa children have procured the BLM credit card. (I also suspect Eugene Debs and Kropotkin r enjoying a cocktail in the celestial bar and enjoying the amerikan Bullwinkle show)…33$ million Soros who remarked in BILD 2014—that the easiest to manipulate in USA were blacks….he was wrong…it is the shallow racist self loathing white 22 year olds that r “bending the knee” (per media reports)

Saint Jimmy (Russian American)
Saint Jimmy (Russian American)
3 months ago

Both Republicans and Democrats – every single one of them – serve multi-national corporations (oil and gas, defense contractors, computer related mostly) with no loyalty to Americans, Wall Street, Israel, the Saudi royal family, and the war industry in general. These are their owners or main customers. The American people are an uncomfortable after thought they must lie to, at times. The fierce battles between their owners are manifested in the insults exchanged on television and in the “press”, which is owned by their main customers, and, recently, in the violence now common in US cities. Like their owners, both Republicans and Democrats are always for wars to enrich themselves and eliminate their main commercial rivals and are both ardently pro-capitalist and ardently supportive of monopolies and oligarchies. They also both love royal families.

Republicans are mostly very, very greedy, hyper-competitive ass holes with little regard for human life. However, most of them are honest about it.

Democrats are extremely self-centered, spoiled, pampered, selfish hypocrites and habitual liars with little regard for human life. In many, if not most cases, now, they are more obnoxious and dangerous than Republicans because of their habitual dishonesty. They use false “social issues” of any type to divide, confuse, and distract the middle and working classes. In addition, they are habitual naggers. They will nag the American people about anything and everything, if they have to distract and divide them.

I hate both Democrats and Republicans but I think I now hate Democrats more than Republicans. Of course, we should never lose sight of the real public enemy number one – their owners.

Anti-Empire