Costco Introduces New 5-Gallon Family Size Pfizer Vaccine

Vaccine Booster Tub™

In a deal that probably has nothing to do with Pfizer’s COVID-19 vaccine showing disappointing long-term effectiveness, the pharmaceutical giant has announced an ambitious partnership with bulk wholesale giant Costco, and the unveiling of the new Pfizer-Kirkland Signature 5-Gallon Family Size Vaccine Booster Tub™.

Every Costco store is now stocked with sensibly-sized buckets of the vaccine, complete with instructions, kid-friendly self-stick syringes, and a 5-pack of IV kits for families who have been led to believe in overwhelming safety over all other aspects of life.

Kelly Earskin, while shopping for some chips and a jacuzzi, commented that the tubs were not hard to find due to the size of each bucket, and the fact that the pharmacy and vitamin shelves had been replaced with dozens of pallets of the stuff. “I had actually forgotten to pick up the vaccine, but the checkout worker ran back and grabbed it for me because Costco workers are so friendly and also because it’s required and you can’t leave the store without buying some.”

At press time, Donald Trump was seen on the street corner near Costco spinning a sign that advertised 5-gallon buckets of hydroxychloroquine.

Source: The Babylon Bee

  1. Rightiswrong says

    I like it, no doubt, the future lol.

    1. HAT451 says

      Sorry Babylon Bee and anti-empire, you satire will soon be reality.

      According to an article on Infowars from 1 September, 2021, Pfizer is developing a COVID pill that works in conjunction with the vaccine and must be taken twice per day.

  2. ken says

    Won’t be enough. For many a total transfusion still would not allay their fear and they would still ‘demand’ others do the same stupid crap because for some unknown reason their medication won’t work unless you’re medicated as well.

  3. Raptar Driver says

    Doctor Kevorkian would have been pleased.

  4. Reg jones says


    1. Jeff Lucky says

      What else do you get paid for? Yikes, a For Sale sign on Reg’s back. lol

    2. Rabbitnexus says

      Sure, but you’d trust a senile old mafia don and pervert, and criminals like Gates and Fauci maybe? I’d trust nobody if they’re A) American, and or B) they’re politicians.

  5. Gertjan Zwiggelaar says

    I come from a planet which has rational beings living on it. The people from my planet can clearly distinguish between make believe and reality. On my home planet scientists conduct real science and any BS coming from them is heavily penalized. There are few politicians since on my planet we believe they are a very low form of bottom feeder, which is what my people think about those shysters called lawyers and judges in the just us system that exists on Earth. On my planet people are happy because bottom line, there are no hooked nosed shekel sniffers and beanie wearing chicken swingers.

    1. Raptar Driver says

      Beam me up Scotty!

    2. Rabbitnexus says

      That’s my planet too. I only came here to get rabbits. The only thing we’re missing, but got stuck. Any idea when the next bus ship arrives so I can get off this rock?

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