Convicted Killer Sentenced to Life in Australia

After being found guilty of a series of grisly murders in the upstate New York area, convicted killer Simon Davis, a.k.a. “Stabbin’ Simon”, has been sentenced to life in Australia without the possibility of parole. 

Davis collapsed in the courtroom as the sentence was passed down. “NOOOOOOOO! Anything but that, please! Send me to Sing Sing! Alcatraz! Azkaban! Anywhere! But PLEASE! Not Australia!” 

Formerly a prosperous Western nation and beautiful vacation destination, Australia has more recently been transformed into a massive prison colony reserved for the worst of the worst, such as rapists, murderers, and people who go outside for some fresh air without permission.

“In this case, the punishment certainly fits the crime,” said Judge Stephanie Anders, who passed the sentence. “In Austalia, Davis will be forced to reflect on his horrific crime as he wanders through the bush, avoiding spiders, snakes, and coppers who want to bash his skull in for not wearing his mask over his nose.”

The ACLU has filed suit, saying exile to Australia is unconstitutional as it is cruel and unusual punishment.

Source: The Babylon Bee

  1. ken says

    Leave it to the Bee to translate the insanity.

    Going on 16,000 US jabbed dead,,, unjabbed folks now fired and cannot do business, and the US media are concerned about taxes. inflation and business mergers.

    Talk about cognitive dissonance!

    1. LiberalsAreScumbags says

      Multiply that 16,000 by at least 20

  2. Mr Reynard says


  3. Eddy says

    I wonder if Americans are aware, being sent to prison for LIFE in Australia means locked up for MAX 11 years only. Then comes up for parole, even if the original sentence was with NO PAROLE, they are still eligable. Check out Australia’s history on this issue. You’ll be blown away. LIFE in OZZ does no mean life.

    1. Rabbitnexus says

      Eddy that is garbage. Highly simplified and factually incorrect. I’m an Aussie and know a bit about our penal system. This however is a good synopsis from Wiki which can at least be relied upon for something as non-contentious as legal facts.;

      ‘The minimum non-parole period on a life sentence varies between jurisdictions, and between different crimes attracting the penalty. A life sentence in Western Australia, for a crime other than murder, attracts a minimum non-parole period of 7 years, while the equivalent term in Queensland is 15 years. For murder, the minimum non parole period on a life sentence in Australian Capital Territory is 10 years, as it is in Western Australia except when committed during an aggravated home burglary, in which case it is 15 years.

      In South Australia, Queensland and Northern Territory, the minimum non-parole period for a life sentence resulting from a murder conviction is 20 years. Though in Queensland, if the victim is known by the offender to be a police officer, the minimum non-parole period is 25 years; in the case of multiple murder victims or where the offender has a prior murder conviction, the minimum non-parole period is 30 years.[6] In Northern Territory, exceptional circumstances can lessen the minimum 20 year non-parole period, but conversely the minimum non-parole for murder in circumstances of aggravation is 25 years. In South Australia. A guilty plea discount can remove 25% of the mandatory 20 year non parole period [7] The minimum non-parole term for a life sentence in Victoria is 30 years, unless a court considers it not in the interest of justice to set such a term.[8]
      New South Wales is the only Australian state or territory to provide for a mandatory life without parole sentence, specifically for the offence of murder where the victim was known to be, or ought reasonably to have been known to be a police officer.”

      The parole consideration can be as low as 10 or 11 years for some crimes in some states but that is far from guaranteed.

    2. Daz says

      It depends on the case. Some of the most notorious are sent to prison never to be released. William MacDonald aka The Mutilator, for example was sentenced to life in 1963. He died in prison at the age of 90 in 2015.

  4. yuri says

    prisoners apparently admire their current warden in Aussie land

    1. Rabbitnexus says

      So much we’ve got a special nickname for him which expresses our admiration and respect. SCOMO was the original but it’s devolved since the COVID hoax into SCUMO. The problem is the cocksuckers in our government have their own special state to keep them out of our reach. If anyone was wanting to invade us, most Aussies will gladly give directions to Parliament House.

      Anyway, we have the PM Washington demands. We tried choosing our own guy once but the CIA did a number on us, as it does with friends and foe alike.

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