CDC Still Baffled People Are Paying Attention to Them

ATLANTA, GA—The CDC has once again changed course, recommending that people wear masks indoors, even those who have received the COVID-19 vaccination. Many people have reacted angrily to this decision—greatly confusing the CDC, which is used to being completely ignored.

“This whole pandemic has been bizarre for us,” said CDC spokesman Dexter Park. “Normally, we put out recommendations like only cook a steak well-done and only fry eggs over-hard, and people don’t even pay enough attention to make fun of us, so people acting like what we say during the pandemic matters is really confusing.”

The CDC is a group of bureaucrats used to working a 9-to-5 job of complete pointlessness, making lists of recommendations that are fated to be crumpled up and thrown in a wastepaper basket. Thus, the pandemic turning them into experts whose opinions matter has caught them completely by surprise.

“People keep saying our suggestions on masking are dumb and make no sense,” said CDC regulator Lyle Howell. “But that’s all of our suggestions on everything. We have to keep making recommendations, though, to justify our existence and get a budget. But no one listens to them—not even us. So can’t you all just go back to ignoring us and stop yelling at us? I’m just here until I get my pension.”

Source: The Babylon Bee

  1. Gamma Beta Xray says

    Funny, but also true…too many eat raw meat and get a host of Parasites in exchange for under cooked food…

    And yet the trend of Bloody meat at the table continues….the hypocrisy here is what makes great satire. Yet if you question Covid-19, including rules, Injections, mandates and restrictions, you are EVIL. 😉

    Thank you.

  2. yuri says

    bee confuses FDA with CDC….FDA recommends that condom omelets provide 10% of daily vitamin D; CDC recommends that condoms with bacon prevent Covid

  3. Juan says

    If enough people just stopped obeying the government like retarded sheep, life would be awesome.

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