CDC: People With Dirt on Clintons Have 843% Greater Risk of Suicide

"We’ve never seen a single risk factor cause a spike of this magnitude"

According to a report from the Centers for Disease Control released on Thursday, people with inside, compromising knowledge of Bill and Hillary Clinton’s financial and political dealings are 843% more likely to commit suicide.

“We’ve never seen a single risk factor cause a spike of this magnitude,” a CDC spokesperson told reporters. “Interestingly, in spite of their increased suicide risk, people with dirt on the Clintons rarely show any warning signs of suicide, and they never leave a suicide note.”

Remarking about how abnormal it is, the spokesman again stressed the significance of the data.

“Therefore, we advise any American with detrimental information about Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, or the Clinton Foundation to forget about it as quickly as possible to avoid a greatly increased probability of taking your own life,” he cautioned.

“And—I swear—that’s all we know.”

Source: The Babylon Bee

  1. Savely says

    Where is source links? There is no any. Something’s fishy.

    1. Richard Hollembeak says

  2. Mary E says

    To add to the list of ‘ex-friends’ of Clintons, we can add the husband of the woman who was starting the prosecution of Bill for sex with minors in, I think, Alabama! She immediately stopped the prosecution!

  3. John C Carleton says


    The Clintons are has beens.
    No one cares about the criminal pair any longer.

    If you must punish the Clintons, lock them both up in the same cell, naked, for the rest of their lives.

    No more child sex partners for them!
    Just each other!~
    Now ya talking real punishment.
    Bill would probably poke his own eyes out!

  4. Bill H says

    The CDC released no such study. “The Babylon Bee” is a satire website. It’s like “theonion dot com” This person is sharing this as if it were a real story.

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