CDC Opens ‘Faucitown’ Where Residents Can Drink Vaccines Mixed in Kool-Aid Every Day
Residents say it is definitely not a cult.
FAUCITOWN, GA—The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have opened a village called Faucitown just outside of Atlanta where residents won’t be harassed with anti-science, anti-vaxxer propaganda.
Dr. Anthony Fauci was crowned the mayor of the new settlement for progressives and scientific people.
“I think people are getting tired of having to worry about people around them not being masked or vaccinated. Here in Faucitown, residents must wear three masks at a time or more and you can drink a COVID vaccine every day in a special Kool-Aid cocktail that I personally created,” Fauci said in an exclusive interview with Genesius Times.
While residents don’t have to be members of the Branch Covidian religious sect, it doesn’t hurt and they will be peer pressured to join upon arrival. Residents say it is definitely not a cult.
“This is such a relief to live here!” One of the first Faucitown residents Karen Karoppolous said. “Here I don’t get dirty looks for wearing 10 masks all the time. And my daily Kool-Aid vaccine has been very helpful to the mild Guillian-Barre paralysis that I’ve had since receiving my first Pfizer shot.”
Branch Covidians are the fastest growing religion in the country and President* Biden has confirmed their religious tax-exempt status.
Many Faucitown residents wear full PPE even when they’re alone in their homes.
“It’s just a really enlightened way to live,” Karoppolous added between epileptic seizures. “It’s like Disney World for the medically progressive.”
Source: Genesius Times
Text may contain traces of satire.