CDC: ‘Just Because You Got the Vaccine Doesn’t Mean You Should Go Outside or Ever Experience Joy Again’

The CDC has issued a reminder that just because people get the vaccine, that doesn’t mean they should go outside, experience human interaction, or have any kind of joy or happiness in their lives ever again.

“We noticed people were getting the vaccine and then just assuming because vaccines are designed to make people immune to viruses that they are immune to the virus. Then, they were doing crazy things like going outside, interacting with other people, and being happy,” said a CDC spokesperson. “And all of this because doctors and scientists kept pushing the vaccine as though it were a cure-all solution that would make you immune to the virus. Well, that view is now considered anti-SCIENCE. And if you disagree with SCIENCE, you are literally murdering grandma. Literally. Like with a baseball bat.”

The newly revised guidelines indicate that people who have not yet been vaccinated should stay home, masked, in a bubble, forever. Those who have been vaccinated should do the exact same thing, except they are allowed to have a smug look on their faces for being vaccinated. Except you can’t see the smug look. Because of the mask.

What is the benefit of getting vaccinated, then? “Well, there are many benefits,” the CDC spokesperson said. “But the best benefit of all, of course, is that you’re on the right side of history. But still, stay in your home and be sad and depressed forever.”

Source: The Babylon Bee

Text may contain traces of satire.

  1. Vonu says

    The only joy that getting a “vaccine” will bring is via death and entrance into heaven.

    1. ken says

      1 Corinthians 3 16/17

      Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and [that] the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?

      If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which [temple] ye are.


      If they inject this toxin into their body (the temple of God), there may not be a heaven for them.

      This entire circus is the work of Gods arch enemy.

    2. jimbogoofball says

      you will be sent to hell if you do this.

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