BREAKING: Trump Declares White House ‘Autonomous Zone’ So He Can Be President Another 4 Years

WHAZ

WASHINGTON, DC—It’s no secret that President Trump and his team of lawyers have been utilizing every possible legal and constitutional maneuver to save the remains of his presidency. But his efforts so far have proven futile, and just when things seemed completely hopeless, Trump made an announcement on Saturday that took everyone by surprise: he’s now officially declared the White House an ‘autonomous zone’ so he can be president another four years. 

“It’s a brilliant move”, his lawyer Rudy Giuliani said. “In over two centuries since the founding of the Republic, no one has ever conjured up a more brilliant idea than that. My only disappointment is that we hadn’t thought about this earlier.”

Trump did an emergency press conference following the announcement to address concerns and questions from the mainstream media. A reporter from the New York Times – a former newspaper – asked the president how he plans on enforcing his autonomous zone, to which Trump replied, “With a huge and tremendous border wall, of course. In fact, the wall the just got ten feet higher, and we’re gonna make the Democrats pay for it.”

Some guy by the name of Jim Acosta from CNN – rated the best satire website in the country – asked Trump, “Mr. President, where’d you get this loony idea from to begin with?” to which Trump responded, “I actually got the idea from those whacky Antifa guys down in Portland who declared their area an autonomous zone, and the federal government did nothing. So, I figured if they did that and got away with it, why not do the same with the White House?”

Media coverage following the press conference followed the usual routine. Fox News ran one chyron after another praising the move. Sean Hannity was especially profuse in his praise, saying on his show that, “Trump epitomizes conservatism, where all government power is conserved in one hand – in Trump’s hands of course, instead in the hands of the deep state. I’d take that any day over those evil deep state people.”

The Washington Post ran with the headline, “Trump declares himself dictator, women and minorities hardest hit.” NBC News interviewed renowned scholar Greta Thunberg to get her comments, and she didn’t mince words while screaming endlessly, “How dare you!!!”

Those Americans who were lucky enough to survive Trump’s tax cuts and net neutrality finally met their demise within 24 hours of Trump’s announcement.

Source: Genesius Times

Text may contain traces of satire.

15 Comments
  1. 14th Troll says

    I think if Trump’s ‘Autonomous Zone’ idea fails. He should exile himself to Iran. He could live in Gen. Soleimani vacant house.

    1. XRGRSF says

      As a retired American infantry officer I consider Trump’s murder of Soleimani to be the most disgusting act ever performed by an American politician. Soleimani was a warrior worthy of the greatest respect, and a true hero of Iran. America will not escape the Karma of this despicable act.

      1. JIMI JAMES says

        Who let cia/bush in afghanistan?
        Never mind,ok 13 sas wanks recieved dishonourable discharge in oz what

        goes down as the lowest form of cowardly display by any ozi regardless!

        1. XRGRSF says

          I’m thankful that one of my closest friends is a retired Australian officer who I worked with in SE Asia, and Africa because if I didn’t know him I would have to send your reply to intel. for translation.

      2. Jimbo says

        I agree. Worse than a drone strike on a U.S. citizen. Summary execution is a declaration of war.

  2. Jimbo says

    Sorry, I don’t believe a word of it.

    1. Jimbo says

      I saw USA today print a fake one a few years back. Nobody noticed. A lefty newspaper. All media is unreliable and a steering mechanism. Boots on the ground might get some truth. My own possibly.

    2. NightriderXP1 says

      For good reason. It’s satire. It’s a shame that so many would be willingly fooled by this…

      1. XRGRSF says

        Why are you surprised that so many would be surprised by this satire when so many are submitting to the clown act known as the WooHooFlu ??

        1. NightriderXP1 says

          I’m surprised because it’s hard to wrap my head around the concept that so many of my fellow Americans are complete idiots. With the advent of the internet and computers, we should be the most informed and educated society in human history, yet instead, we’re going backwards. The internet is having the exact opposite effect on society than it should have had…

          1. Jimbo says

            WWII and Korean war vets told me why. Communists will overthrow from within, using media, schools and all organizations including business. They will also use the youth.

      2. JIMI JAMES says

        Law of the land,not deep state schitt gimp:

    3. JIMI JAMES says

      Respect the law of the lands,not schitts,sure lackeths valour,Truth sure as well shan’t!

      1. Jimbo says

        Uh huh….

  3. ke4ram says

    Makes as much sense as most everything else this year…

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