Vaccinated Man Just Wishes There Was Something That Could Protect Him From COVID

The vaccinated millions have done what they’re supposed to. They’ve taken the vaccine to show they care about others and are good human beings. Now, these important citizens are looking for just one more thing: something to protect them from COVID.

“I took my vaccine to show I’m one of the group,” said Kyle Howard, who had the Pfizer vaccine, “but I’m out there alone, with COVID still lurking about. The government needs to take measures to protect me and my precious vaccinated blood from the virus.”

There have been pushes to put masks on “dirty, grubby, unvaccinated children” to help protect all the essential vaccinated adults, but some worry masks simply won’t be enough.

“The government needs to round up all those deranged, unvaccinated lunatics and take them far away from us,” said Benjamin Reed, who had the Moderna vaccine. “They have the COVID and could give it to us. I spend all my waking hours worrying about us elite vaccinated people being tainted by the COVID.”

It’s generally agreed that the unruly unvaccinated must be isolated from vaccinated society to protect the vaccinated and the science-blessed vaccine from the virus.

“I’m scared of COVID,” said Garth Strudelfudd, a political commentator. “And that’s why I took the vaccine: as a symbol of my continued terror of COVID and to loudly declare I will never stop being scared of it. It was important to protect ourselves from COVID before the vaccine, but now that we have it and have become higher beings—the vaccinated—it’s even more important that we be protected.”

Source: The Babylon Bee

Text may contain traces of satire.

Comments (18)
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  • yuri

    amerikans submissively believed they could hide under wooden desks when USSR attacked them with nukes—this obviously prevents any injury from radioactive holocaust—now they hide in basements with masks like senile leper biden
    the new vegetable prez benefits by having psaki change his diapers and masks sold at discount by emperor gates

    • Raptar Driver

      Your text may contain traces of satire?

      • ken

        Yuri hates Americans even more than Americans hate Americans which is saying a lot! (lol) And sometimes, he is correct in a way he may not understand.

        What he doesn’t understand is it wasn’t the children that were afraid,,, it was the adults.

        Now put that time gone by in today’s terms…

        The USSR nukes today is the plague.

        The Desks that could not provide protection are today’s masks and vaxxes.

        And today as then, it is the adults that are afraid and are masking up the children and wanting them vaxxed, both of which are extremely harmful and abusive to the children but are soothing to the frightened adults.

        Telling the adults then that the chair was not going to help did not work, same as today telling the the mask and vaxx won’t work.

        Back then the desk was the science…

        As an aside,,, I lived through that period and even as a kid of 8 years old I laughed at the lunatics as I imagine many of the children today do the same.

        • GMC

          The further society drifts from the truth – the more it hates, those that speak it. This article is a great example.
          PS – Our grammar school teacher told us that we were to dive under our desks because the window glass will hurt us. That was in in 62 , 63 etc.

        • Raptar Driver

          Yes I remember they made us do that in grade school. This was the early 70s.
          I went home to my father scared out of my wits saying are we gonna get bombed by the Russians?
          My father said something that put me at ease and I was never afraid again. He lived through world war 2 in a country that was liberated by the Soviet union.
          He watched Russian soldiers take on German machine gun nests and was in awe at how selfless they were. My ethnic group is close to Russians, we know them very well and my father told me never worry, the Russians will never strike first. He was he so right!

          • Jerry Hood

            Fuc..g stupid Polack!

          • Raptar Driver

            Not polish you Nazi fuck!

        • Jerry Hood

          I hate them too, they sre soulles obese degenerated pigs!

      • Jerry Hood

        You dumbo Polak! Tufista Trenkowi i Koshelowi!

        • Raptar Driver

          You must think everybody’s polish?
          Sounds like you’re the dumb polack.

    • Jerry Hood

      The Raptor snake below tries to bite you?

      • Raptar Driver

        You can’t even read you illiterate baby killer.
        Try again.

  • ken

    This is not satire… it is factual, Insane but factual….

    • Jerry Hood

      Stupid Polack, Turista Trenkowi i Koshelowi…

  • chuxtuff

    The real lunatics are the one’s they interviewed for this piece…

  • Cap960

    They get vaccinated. They still fear the virus. Have they got no trust in the vaccine they poison themselves with?

  • J j

    Grow up